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Review of Martin Scorsese’s 1995 Casino [A mob movie that has many actors that will go on to be in the Sopranos].
mods please lmk if this violates the rules. i’m posting here because I write about the mob/casino and many relevant themes that are important elements of the Sopranos, in my opinion. I think they’re of the same medium and genre so wanted to post here. Hope that’s alright. Cheers! (11 min read) ———————————————————————— EDIT 2: TL;DR - Casino is a story of sexual and financial intrigue, mob violence, union pension fund embezzlement, a “love” story, and the protagonist's masochist addiction to the pain and chaos his lover inflicts on him. It turns out that the sharp-minded genius who meticulously runs the casino, is no more rational than the gamblers who routinely frequent the casino, coming back to lose their money and hoping that the odds will magically shift in their favor. ———————- Every good filmmaker makes the same movie over and over again—Martin Scorsese is no different Scorsese's Casino is a phenomenal story of the condoned chaos and "legalized robbery" that happens on a daily basis to gamblers who bett away thousands of dollars and return each day for more “FinDom,” but without any of the sexual sadism. The whole scam only persists because the house always wins: the odds are stacked 3 million to one on the slot machines, but the same shmucks return wide-eyed each day hoping for a different outcome, devoid of any rational re-evaluation required to maintain their grasp on reality, and the liquidity of their bank accounts. Casino is a story of sexual and financial intrigue, mob violence, union pension fund embezzlement, a “love” story, and the protagonist's masochist addiction to the pain and chaos his lover inflicts on him. It turns out that the sharp-minded genius who meticulously runs the casino, is no more rational than the gamblers who routinely frequent the casino, coming back to lose their money and hoping that the odds will magically shift in their favor. Robert De Niro plays Sam "Ace" Rothstein, recruited by his childhood friend Nick "Nicky" Santorno to help run the Tangiers casino, which is funded by an investment made with the Teamsters’ pension fund. Ace’s job is to keep the bottom line flowing so that the Mafia's skimming operation can continue seamlessly. De Niro's character felt like half-way between Travis from Taxi Driver (of course, nowhere as mentally disturbed) and half of the addictive excess, greed, and eccentric business-mind of Jordan Belfort in The Wolf of Wall Street. Ace’s attention to detail gives him a rain-man-esque sensibility; his ability to see every scam, trick, hand signal, and maneuver happening on the casino floor make him the perfect manager of the casino, and take his managerial style to authoritarian heights in his pursuit of order and control over what is an inherently unstable and dynamic scheme; betting, hedging outcomes, and walking the line to keep the money flowing and the gamblers coming back. I’m not claiming Ace is autistic, I'm no clinician, but his managerial sensibilities over the daily operations of the casino, from the dealers to the pit bosses, to the shift managers, are to the point of disturbing precision, he has eyes everywhere, and knows how to remove belligerent customers with class and professionalism, but ultimately is short sighted in “reading” the human beings he is in relationship with. Ace is frustratingly naive and gullible in his partnership with Nicky and the threat he poses to him, and in his marriage with Ginger. Ace has no personal aspirations to extract millions of dollars for himself out of the casino corruption venture. Ace simply wants the casino to operate as efficiently as possible, and he has no qualms about being a pawn of the bosses. While Sam, “the Golden Jew”—as he is called—is the real CEO of the whole enterprise, directing things at Tangiers for the benefit of the bosses “back home.” Ace’s compliance is juxtaposed with Nicky’s outrage upon feeling used: he gripes about how he is in “the trenches” while the bosses sit back and do nothing. Note that none of the activity Nicky engages in outside of the casino—doing the work of “taking Las Vegas over”—is authorized by the bosses. Ultimately Nicky’s inability to exert control over his crew and the street lead to his demise. In the end, capitalism, and all that happens in the confines of the casino, is nothing but “organized violence.” Sound familiar? The mob has a capitalist structure in its organization and hierarchy: muscle men collect and send money back to the bosses who do not labor tirelessly “in the trenches.” The labor of the collectors is exploited to create the profits of their bosses. The entire business-model of the Mafia is predicated on usury and debtors defaulting on loans for which the repayment is only guaranteed by the threat of violence. But this dynamic is not without its internal contradictions and tensions, as seen in Casino. In a comedic turn, the skimmers get skimmed! The bosses begin to notice the thinning of the envelopes and lighter and lighter suitcases being brought from the casino to Kansas City, “back home”. The situation continues to spin out of control, but a mid-tier mafioso articulates the careful balance required for the skimming operation to carry on: to keep the skimming operation functioning, the skimmers need to be kept loyal and happy. It’s a price the bosses have to pay to maintain the operation, “leakage” in their terms. Ace’s efficient management and precision in maintaining order within Tangiers is crucial for the money to keep flowing. But Ace’s control over the casino slips more and more as the movie progresses. We see this as the direct result of Nicky’s ascendance as mob kingpin in Vegas, the chaos he creates cannot be contained and disrupts the profits and delicate dynamics that keep the scam running. Of course I can’t help myself here! We should view Scorsese’s discography, and the many portrayals of capitalist excess not as celebratory fetishization, but a critique of the greed and violence he so masterfully captures on film. See the Wolf of Wall Street for its tale of money as the most dangerous drug of them all, and the alienation—social and political—showcased in Taxi Driver. Scorsese uses the mob as a foil to the casino to attack the supposed monopoly the casino holds on legitimate, legal economic activity that rests on institutionalized theft. When juxtaposed with the logic of organized crime, we begin to see that the two—Ace and Nick—are not so different after all. The only dividing line between the casino and organized crime is the law. Vegas is a lawless town yes, “the Wild West” as Nicky puts it, but there are laws in Vegas. The corruption of the political establishment and ruling elites is demonstrated when they pressure Ace to re-hire an incompetent employee who he fired for his complicity in a cheating scam or his stupidity in letting the slot machines get rigged; nepotism breeds mediocrity. In the end, Ace’s fall is the result of the rent-seeking behavior that the Vegas ruling class wields to influence the gaming board to not even permit Ace a fair hearing for his gaming license, which would’ve given him the lawful authority to officially run Tangiers. The elites use the political apparatus of the State to resist the new gang in town, the warring faction of mob-affiliated casino capitalists. While the mob’s only weapon to employ is that of violence. The mafia is still subservient to the powers that be within the political and economic establishment of Vegas, and they’re told “this is not your town.” I’d like to make the most salient claim of this entire review now. Casino is a western film. The frontier of the Wild West is Vegas in this case, where the disorder of the mob wreaks havoc on, an until then, an “untapped market.” The investment scheme that the Teamsters pension fund is exploited for as seed capital, is an attempt to remain in the confines of the law while extracting as much value as possible through illegal and corrupt means for the capitalist class of the mob (and the ultimately dispensable union president). Tangiers exists in the liminal space of condoned economic activity as a legal and otherwise standard casino. While the violence required to maintain the operation, corrupts the legal legitimacy it never fully enjoyed from the beginning. This mirrors the bounty economy of the West and the out-sourcing of the law and the execution of the law, to bounty hunters. There is no real authority out in the frontier, the killer outlaw on the run is not so different from the bounty hunter who enjoys his livelihood by hunting down the killers. Yet, he himself is not the State. The wide-lens frame of Ace and Nicky meeting in the desert felt like a direct homage to the iconic image of the Western standoff. The conflict between Ace and Nick, the enforcer and the mastermind, is an approximation of the conflicts we might see in John Wayne’s films. The casino venture itself could be seen as an analogy of the frontier-venturism of railroad pioneers going to lay track to develop the West into a more industrial region. I would have believed that this was a documentary about how the mob took over control of the Vegas casinos in the 1970-80s … if it were not for the viewer being expected to believe that Robert De Niro could play a Jew; it's hard to believe a man with that accent and the roles he’s played his entire career could be a “CRAZY JEW FUCK!!” I kid! But alas, De Niro is a class act and the last of the many greats of a bygone era. At times, it felt like Joe Pesci lacked talent as an actor, but his portrayal of the scummy, backstabbing bastard in Nicky was genuinely remarkable, but I might consider his performance the weak point of the movie. It’s weird to see a man that short, be that much of physical menace. There are a number of Sopranos actors in Casino. I’m sure Vincent Chase watched the movie and said to himself, “bet, i’ll cast half of these guys.”The set design and costumes were gorgeous. The styles and fashion of the time were spectacular. Scorsese’s signature gratuitous violence featured prominently, but tastefully. The camera work, tracking shots through the casino and spatial movement was incredible and I thought the cinematography was outstanding, the Western-esque wide lens in the desert was worthy of being a framed still. The Nicky//Ace dynamic is excellent and the two play off of each other well. The conflict between the two of them escalates gradually, and then Nicky’s betrayal of Ace by cheating with Ginger marks the final break between the two of them. Nicky’s mob faculties represent a brutal, violent theft that is illegal and requires the enforcement of violence by organized crime. Despite the illegal embezzlement and corruption at play with the “skimming” operation at work at the casino, the general business model of the casino stands in contrast to the obscene violence of the loan sharks. Ace operates an intelligent operation of theft through the casino, and his hands-on management approach is instrumental to the success of the casino. Nicky’s chaos pervades the casino, and the life and activities of “the street” begin to bleed into Ace’s ability to maintain order in the casino. “Connected” types begin frequenting the casino, and Ace unknowingly forces one particularly rude gambler to leave the casino, who happens to have mob ties with Nicky. The “organized violence” of the casino cannot stay intact perfectly, because the very thing holding it together is the presence of the mob. Nicky is in Vegas as the enforcer and tasked with protecting Ace but his independent, entrepreneurial (shall we call them?) aspirations lead him to attempt to overtake what he realizes is a frontier for organized crime to brutalize and exploit the characters of “the street” (pimps, players, addicts, dealers, and prostitutes) and the owners of small private businesses. Nicky is reckless, “when i plant my flag out here you won’t need your [casino/gaming] license” Nicky thinks he, and Ace, can bypass the regulations and bureaucratic legal measures by sheer force of violence alone. But ultimately Nicky is shortsighted and doesn’t have a real attachment to the success of the casino. After all, he isn’t getting profits from it (or much anyway) and isn’t permitted to play a real, active role in its daily functions because of his belligerent, untamed personality. Nicky has no buy-in that would motivate him to follow the rules or to work within the legal parts of the economy, it’s not the game he knows how to play, and win. All that he is loyal to, or deferent too, is the bosses back home; for whom he maintains absolute, uncompromising loyalty to, but still holds intense spite for. And now to the more compelling element of the narrative. Sam “Ace” Rothstein is positioned as remarkably intelligent, he makes informed decisions that aid in his skill as a gambler, he can read people to determine whether he’s being conned, he has an attention to detail—aided by the casino’s surveillance apparatus which monitors cheating—that is almost unbelievable. Ace knows when he’s being cheated, he knows how to rig the game so that the house always wins, enacting psychological warfare to break down the confidence of would be proficient gamblers, who could threaten Tangiers’ bottom line. But in the end, the greatest gamble Ace makes is his marriage to Ginger. Ginger is the seductive, charismatic, and flirtatious madame who makes her money with tricks and her sexual power. Ginger works as a prostitute, seducing men, and extracting everything she can, almost as a sort of sexual-financial vampirism. Ginger is the bad bet Ace can’t stop making even when she destroys his life, her own, and puts their daughter Amy in harm’s way. Ginger is the gamble Ace made wrong, but he keeps going back to her every time, trying to rationalize how she might change and be different the next time. Ace is not a victim to Ginger’s antics. Ginger makes it clear who she is: an addict, alcoholic, manic shopaholic who will use all of her powers to extract everything she can from everyone around her. She uses everyone to her advantage and manipulates men with her sexual power in exchange for their money and protection. Ginger had a price for her hand in marriage: $1 million in cash and $1 million worth of jewelry that are left to her and her alone as a sort of emergency fund. Ace’s numerous attempts to buy Ginger’s love—and the clear fact that no matter how expensive the fur coat and how grand the mansion, none of it would ever be enough to satisfy her—mirrored Jordan Belfort’s relationship with Naomi in The Wolf of Wall Street. Both relationships carried the same manic volatility and conflict over child custody was found in both films, with the roles reversed in the respective films. Ginger may be irredeemable and a pathological liar, but Ace can’t claim that she wasn’t clear with him; when he asked her to marry him, Ginger said she didn’t love Ace. Ace replied that love could be “developed” but required a foundation of trust to develop. That trust was never there to begin with. The love was doomed from the start to destroy the two of them; two addicts, two gamblers, lying on a daily basis to one another and themselves about reality to justify their respective existences, the marriage, and Ace’s livelihood. And as Ginger pointed out, “I should have never married him. He’s a gemini, a triple gemini … a snake” Maybe astrology has some truth to it after all. Now I’m not licensed (but hey neither was Ace, and he ran a casino empire!), but Ginger has the inklings of a borderline personality: her manic depression, narcissism, drug and alcohol abuse, and constant begging for forgiveness all seem indications of a larger psychological disorder at play. In the end, Ginger runs away with all the money Ace left her and finds her people in Los Angeles, the pimps, whores, and addicts she fits in with, in turn exploit and kill her for 3 grand in mint coins by giving her a ‘hot’ dose. Overall, Casino is an incredible cinematic experience. I highly recommend watching this and seeing it as part of Scorsese's anthology of commentary on our economic system and its human victims. I’d argue that Casino, Wolf of Wall Street, and The Irishman all fit together nicely into a trilogy of the Scorsesean history of finance and corruption from the 70s to the 90s. ————- EDIT 2: TL;DR — Casino is a story of sexual and financial intrigue, mob violence, union pension fund embezzlement, a “love” story, and the protagonist's masochist addiction to the pain and chaos his lover inflicts on him. It turns out that the sharp-minded genius who meticulously runs the casino, is no more rational than the gamblers who routinely frequent the casino, coming back to lose their money and hoping that the odds will magically shift in their favor.
Gotta Collect 'Em All: Hype Decks and Popular Playing Card Series When you're into cardistry, you'll know a thing or two about playing cards. They are, after all, the tools of the trade. And you'll quickly discover that there's a lot of different custom decks out there, many of which are great for card flourishing. A vast amount of cards that have already been produced, and there's steady flow of new cards that are being released on an ongoing basis. Arguably the most popular playing cards beloved by cardists and collectors alike are what some refer to as "hype decks". These are decks that have effectively become a brand of their own by virtue of their sheer popularity. In the last few years alone there are several "brands" that have generated a huge wave of momentum. Almost every new release is quickly sold out, and previous releases don't take long to fetch high prices in the secondary market, as buyers scramble to "collect 'em all". In this article we'll introduce you to some of the more popular series of this sort, which are beloved by both cardists and by playing card collectors. FONTAINES The Fontaine brand is one of the biggest and most recognizable brands in the world of playing cards today, especially in cardistry circles. When you first see a Fontaine deck of cards you might wonder why. After all, what is there to get excited about card backs which have a lower-case "f" put together in a simple and minimalist design, and card faces that are mostly standard? The reason for the success of this brand is the man behind it, Zach Mueller. Zach began making a name for himself with his creative cardistry videos, some of which went viral on youtube. Inspired by the iconic Jerry's Nugget casino deck which appears later on this list, around 2013 Zach whipped up a simple design of his own, printed the deck, and began using it in his cardistry videos. It wasn't even originally conceived as deck that would be published more widely, nor was including it in his cardistry videos originally intended as a marketing gimmick. But the popularity of his videos did have the result of producing a demand for decks like the one Zach was using. When he tried his hand at crowdfunding one, it became an instant success. Zach built on this success with further releases of the same design but in different colours, and later expanded his Fontaine brand to include clothing and other merchandise. Today the Fontaine company has a significant number of releases every year, and they are typically so much in demand that each sells out in minutes. While many of the initial decks didn't evidence much variety aside from recolouring the back design, in recent times we have witnessed some more innovation, such as collaborations with other artists, and a UV black-light edition. https://preview.redd.it/bk51kexhhcg61.jpg?width=600&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=7ad5a040ac2cd67d9644f02041f3937ba2e28642 ORBITS The Orbit decks come from magician Chris "Orbit" Brown, with involvement from designer Daniel Schneider. The Orbit series is extremely popular with card flourishers, and it's not surprising why. The circle design on the card backs makes it ideal for cardistry. The first version of the deck was blue, had a print run of only 2500, and only managed to hit its Kickstarter target on the final day when it was put up for crowdfunding in 2015. In contrast, today collectors can't get enough of them! The fourth edition alone had a print run of ten times that amount, and the first few versions of the deck will now cost a pretty penny on the secondary market - if you can find them. Common to most of the decks in the series is of course the signature circle look of the card backs. But there's also the regular presence of light-hearted jokers, mini-astronauts, and even tiny orbitting rockets on the card backs, all of which capture something of the galactic and space theme, and add elements of warm humor. There have been minor tweaks to the design to ensure that each deck is not just a simple recolouring of the previous version. The V7 deck is noteworthy for its retro pink and blue colours, and for including a tribute to the failed mission of the space shuttle Challenger in 1986, and has the added bonus of being a very cleverly marked deck. The face cards of the Orbit decks mostly feature a style borrowed from the classic Arrco decks, which gives them a slightly different feel from your typical Bicycle deck, while ensuring that they still have a very familiar, recognizable, and practical look. Some of the decks feature even members of the Orbit crew as the court card characters. It is certainly a successful formula, and these are versatile playing cards that are both novel and familiar enough to make them suit a variety of purposes, from card flourishing to card magic. As with most other entries on this list, the success of the series has generated an increased demand for the first decks in the series, which are not easy to get hold of. https://preview.redd.it/0lakhcmihcg61.jpg?width=600&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=424b4fba74ee4be5d763fb2439b270df0d319019 JERRY'S NUGGET The history of the Jerry's Nugget decks is a fascinating one, and it even includes a great detective story. The short version is that these striking red and blue decks were first printed in the early 1970s for Jerry's Nugget Casino in Las Vegas. They ended up in storage instead of being used at the casino, and eventually made their way to the gift shop, where they were sold for a dollar or two each. At this point they were discovered by some big name cardists, who began popularizing them via their videos, and spoke highly of their handling qualities, which were the result of printing methods that couldn't be replicated with modern methods. The demand for them grew, but by this time they were sold out. With a limited supply and increased demand, they slowly became a holy grail for collectors, prices typically reaching $500 per deck on the market. Around 2019 Lee Asher became involved with a project to reprint the cards, to make them readily available again, and put them in the hands of a new generations of cardists and collectors. A deal was brokered between Expert Playing Card Company and Jerry's Nugget Casino, and with the help of an incredibly successful Kickstarter project that fetched nearly half a million dollars, a new edition of Jerry's Nugget decks hit the market. The new decks are almost like the original, but consist of a Modern Feel version printed by USPCC and a Vintage Feel version printed by EPCC. The scene was ripe for capitalizing on the popularity of these classic decks, and so the deck was subsequently reprinted in colours like Teal, Coral, Black, Steel Grey, Yellow, Orange, Green, and purple. There are also some limited editions like Pink, and there are even special limited editions with gilding. Many card flourishers love the minimalist look of this series, the famous name and iconic look, and the variety of different colours make them ideal for collectors. https://preview.redd.it/kuxzzlgjhcg61.jpg?width=600&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=8356844549aedec90eda4b447063afc00faf88f5 CHERRY CASINO The Jerry's Nugget decks aren't the only decks that capitalize on the public interest in old-time casinos. This is also the concept that lies at the heart of the Cherry Casino decks, which is a series of playing cards produced under the Pure Imagination label. Pure Imagination Projects was founded in 2013 by Derek McKee, and the first Cherry Casino deck was produced around 2015 in a bright aqua colour. The idea was to draw on the image of an old time casino, hence the classic cherry artwork familiar from slot machines, an iconic symbol of gambling. Several versions then followed in successive years, as the Cherry Casino decks slowly grew in popularity One of the drawcards of this series is the bold metallic ink used on the cardbacks for most of these decks, which instantly sets them apart from your average deck. One of my personal favourite colours in this series is the Tahoe Blue, which is inspired by one of the clearest and deepest lakes in the United States, Lake Tahoe. The use of metallic ink on card backs creates a gorgeous and inviting pearlescent blue that is hard to get enough of. The Cherry Casino decks are also very versatile and practical, and the relatively standard card faces makes them ideal for card magic or for playing card games. Yet the striking card backs also makes them very appealing for cardists and collectors. This creates the ideal combination of something striking and something simple, which is the greatest strength of the Cherry Casino series. The vibrant and eye-catching colours, set them apart from the competition, and give them the magnetic quality that collectors look for, while they remain functional and suitable for a variety of uses. The first decks in the series are especially prized by collectors, since they are long out of print, and entered the market long before anybody realized how successful this series would become over time. https://preview.redd.it/uvqcml7khcg61.jpg?width=600&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=2ef474b844f7af286d7d3c3bf3fb5a9f67bead9e VIRTUOSO Virtuoso, commonly called The Virts, is a group of Singaporean cardists, originally founded by Huron Low and Kevin Ho. Other team members joined them over time, and they began releasing cardistry videos on their youtube channel. Around 2012 one of their cardistry videos went viral and was eventually featured on the Discovery Channel, which only increased the growing interest in their work, especially their creative card flourishing videos. It was also around this time that The Virts came up with the idea of designing a deck of card that was specifically geared towards cardistry. They used a design that was strongly geometric in flavour, and where even the court cards and number cards were optimized for card flourishing, to enhance the visual aesthetic of cards in motion. Today it's quite common for a deck to be optimized for cardistry, and there's a ready market waiting to buy decks like this. But at the time this was a groundbreaking idea, and even somewhat of a financially risky one. But card flourishers welcomed the very first Virtuoso deck with open arms, and the deck proved to be more successful than ever imagined. Since the release of their first deck, The Virts have continued to release follow-up decks on a somewhat regular basis. Typically each new release is accompanied by a flashy video that showcases the amazing cardistry of The Virts themselves, which is cleverly accentuated by their cardistry-friendly cards. Their signature geometric design is common to all of the decks released so far, and the eye-catching colours and consistently handling qualioty ensure that card flourishers love it. Recent times have seen the rate of their releases slow down, but news in 2020 about their latest deck - which is scheduled to come out in 2021 - generated a new wave of excitement. Loyalty to the Virtuoso brand and decks is evidenced by the fact that many people were ready to pre-order the new deck sight unseen. https://preview.redd.it/48zmr2okhcg61.jpg?width=600&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=cd5fcc61431a3e2764fd95bb5dba12a79658817d ORGANIC PLAYING CARDS One of the more fun entries in this list are the food-inspired decks created by Organic Playing Cards (OPC). This brand is originally the brainchild of Cameron Toner and Nathan Lex, who started OPC while they were in college, combining Cameron's love for card magic and Nathan's love for cardistry. The company has since evolved, and others have come on board as they grew. Their original goal was simply to produce a fun deck of banana-themed cards, now known as Peelers V1. Since then they've gone on to produce a cornucopia of fruit-inspired novelty decks. The concept of what you can expect from an OPC deck is a simple one. Typically it's a deck that features two pieces of fruit on the card backs, some humorous changes to the court cards that incorporate that fruit, an adjusted colour scheme, and a fun take on the tuck box. For example, the Squeezers V1, V2, and V3 decks are orange, lemon, and grape-fruit themed retrospectively, and the tuck boxes are designed to look like juice boxes, complete with an ingredient list. The Snackers decks are themed on strawberries and blackberries, and come in a resealable package typical of a bag of candies, and even include an artificially added scent that smells like the fruit. The latest additions to this popular series have included an avocado themed deck (Avocardos), and in somewhat of a departure from the usual fruit theme and look, a corn-themed harvest deck (Shuckers). So they are exploring new directions, but they haven't run out of fruit just yet, and I look forward to see what they come up with next. https://preview.redd.it/56o6yqelhcg61.jpg?width=600&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=6b9aec71b43d043c10980cee343e3bf3e8ffed30 WHAT TO BUY AND HOW MUCH TO PAY? Buying and pricing In the end, you should buy what you like, not what other people tell you to like. But how much do these decks typically cost? Latest releases typically sell at retail price, and don't cost a fortune. Although in some cases, especially with in-demand brands like Fontaines, you have to be right at your computer when a new deck is released, and be among the first set of buyers who are fortunate enough process a purchase in the few minutes before they are sold out. Otherwise you'll have to rely on resellers, some of which can have inflated prices. Older decks for virtually all of these series, however, tend to command much higher prices. This is simply a matter of supply and demand: as the number of collectors grows, more and more people want them, while the supply is limited, because the original decks are long out of print and out of stock at retailers. You'll have to rely on the secondary market to try to source these, and expect to dig deeper in your wallet if you want to get first and second edition decks of many of the above series. Investing and re-selling When collectors see some of these decks selling for over $100 on the secondary market, it can be tempting to think that it's a good idea to buy a stash of decks in the hope that you'll hit a jackpot with a brick of decsk that will be worth a bundle down the line. The reality is that this is hard to predict. When most of these decks were first released, nobody knew that they would become big hits over time. It's only as a series or brand generates momentum and establishes a loyal following, that the prices of the original editions start to rise. For example, I have a Peelers V1 deck, and these are now worth up to US$150 today. At the time I picked it up, it was just a novelty deck from an unknown brand, and I used it as an everyday deck for card games and card magic. Who was to know the success that OPC would later become? Meanwhile I've just been using it casually for card games! Much the same is true for the very first Fontaines deck, which costs a fortune now, but at the time was really just an ordinary deck. The playing card market is fickle and future hits are almost impossible to predict. If you want to earn money, rather than gambling on playing cards, you're better off spending your time working for money at your regular day job. Other popular series Are there other series besides the ones covered above? For sure. Daniel Schneider's series of Black Roses deck also has its passionate collectors, as do the Golden Nugget decks, the Gemini Casino decks, and the NOC decks. The Planets series by Vanda was also popular for some time, but with the release of all the planets this is obviously now complete. There are also people who collect anything produced by a particular brand, such as Anyone Playing Cards. Perhaps even that new release you're thinking of purchasing will become the start of a successful new series or brand - you can never really tell! https://preview.redd.it/ppwyhb5mhcg61.jpg?width=600&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=75a4ee69f8af72d0c022c24d50e3581b80066959 HAS THE INDUSTRY JUMPED THE SHARK? More and more, faster and faster In the first few years of the boom in the playing card market that was created by the arrival of crowdfunding around 2009, new releases were typically produced either as a mass market deck, or as a numbered limited edition. That seems to have changed in the last few years, and the number of permutations for a particular deck seems to be more than ever before. First of all we get recoloured versions of the same deck, multiple times over. Then in addition we get a numbered deck, and a gilded deck... and multiple combinations of all of these. It starts to become impossibles for collectors to get a complete collection. In addition, in some cases, a very limited edition of a popular series is produced at a high price tag, like the $75 Cherry Casino House Decks, putting it out of the reach of most collectors, except those with very deep pockets. In other cases, companies are releasing decks in different colours so fast (here's looking at you, Jerry's Nuggets), that collectors can hardly keep up. The inevitable question arises whether some of these developments are unhealthy. How much is too much? All this understandably makes some collectors begin to feel a little jaded, and wonder if some of these series have jumped the shark. Are some creators starting to take the mickey out of collectors, knowing that they will want to "collect 'em all", even if they have to spend ridiculous amounts to do so? Is this capitalism gone mad, and are producers becoming too motivated by trying to make big bucks? If this trend continues, it can start to feel like price-gouging and greed, and creators run the risk of sucking the joy out of collecting, and losing their customers. All this means that producers have to be careful in the decisions they make about what they release, and not simply be motivated by making money. Collect 'em all? But there's a lesson in this too. It doesn't make sense to mindlessly collect every single thing. But if you do think carefully about what you want to collect, it can be a lot of fun to collect series like the ones covered here. By all means collect 'em! But maybe just not all of them. At least, not all the time. https://preview.redd.it/c50y53umhcg61.jpg?width=600&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=3f00f71fa02141ee251913695a2cc7fba823a260 Author's note: I first published this article at PlayingCardDeckshere.
Hello there! I just found this subreddit. Also I’m not too sure this belongs in the subreddit but i think it might. Also on mobile so if I miss anything I apologize! So a bit of backstory: At the time of one of the many times this has happened to me, I was visiting Las Vegas with my family for Christmas. I was 21 at the time, my birthday was that past August, so I was in legal age to gamble and/or drink. I just wanted to try to gamble at one of the casinos. We were staying at the Treasure Island hotel and casino, in which I loved staying there and would recommend anyone whom asked me where would they stay. Anyways, I’m am from and still live in Texas as I have a bit of a Texan draw and accent, but my voice was still a bit higher than it is now. I had made a few friends at that casino that were around my same age, and we were playing the Dragon Spin slot machine. I made a joke about the luck I had, I had hit one of the three slot games where the dragon would roar and shake the game, and got close to $200 I think. With it happening 3 years ago I’m not for sure on the little details. Then came the incident..... I told my two friends that I was sitting with that I was going to go cash out because I didn’t want to gamble what I had earned away and I was going to start over on $20 that I had brought with me specifically for the trip. (In all I saved around $500 for the trip to buy souvenirs or to gamble a bit). At the time I’d only used about $50 for gambling and I was happy with that, and with the money I got from the slot game, I was well over what I had brought with me. (No im not bragging! This is part of the story!) So I go and pull the cash out and put it in my wallet that I was carrying around with me when I am grabbed by the arm by a woman with a casino manager and a security guard. Meet the entitled windbag! EW: this whore took my wallet and stole my money! This girl is too young to even be in here! I saw her drinking alcohol and smoking! She has to be no younger than 14 and you won’t even let my 16 year old daughter in her! She should be thrown out of here! My eyes are as wide as saucers at this woman’s accusations. Now this grip actually bruised and ALMOST broke my arm! She grabbed me by the part of my arm closer to my shoulder. (Edit: I completely forgot the name of that bone to be honest 😅😅) Her grip was a mix of an alligator bite and a vice grip! Or at least it felt like it to me then..... I continued to try to pull myself free when my two friends saved me. F1 and F2 will be called Jane and Kira for the sake of the story..... Jane: what’s going on? Kira: you’re hurting her! The woman let me go and practically threw me to Jane and Kira. EW: you see she isn’t alone in soliciting her body! Throw them out NOW! Me: hold on a second! You haven’t even let me tell my side! I glared at the EW. Me: first off.... this bag is mine! I have MY room key, MY license, and MY money in here so you ain’t taking shit from me lady! Secondly, I am 21 years of age yeah I look young but who cares? When I said that I pulled out my license and room key showing what room I was in. EW: THATS MY KEY GIVE IT TO ME NOW! She swiped for my room key. Before she could take it, I handed it to the manager and security guard. Me: here check my name and see which room I’m in. Jane and Kira saw this next part but told me afterward. The EW lunged for my wallet. Kira stood to my left side while Jane stood on my right. Manager: -to the security guard- watch them no one leaves until we find out the truth The Manager walked away as Kira, Jane and I glared to the EW. She began sweating and stuttering to try to pull something else. As it turned out? The EW wasn’t even staying at the hotel/casino! She was trying to steal from not only me but anyone she could sucker into getting money and then use the person she suckered into giving her anything she tried to ask for. I laugh at that every once in a while but cringe and get pretty hot-headed if someone insults me or anyone I know about stature, age, looks, etc. But the most idiotic part of all this? When the EW called all three of us hookers, whores and other profanities: I was wearing boot cut jeans, a long sleeve t-shirt, a Jean jacket and boots! Jane was wearing skinny jeans, a short sleeve t-shirt, a sweatshirt and converse. And Kira was wearing some clothes she borrowed from me which were, regular blue jeans, a tunic top, and some sandals she brought. So were we looking like some kind of hookers? Or was this woman just too drunk?
Do you really like your beer, or are you just a victim of Capitalist Propaganda? How you can learn how the free market works while you guzzle some suds, and how beer can help you to understand the vast conspiracy that is slowly degrading America.
TL;DR - I use the craft beer industry as a way to understand Capitalist Propaganda, how Capitalism and Socialism are inextricably linked to each other, and how through the use of propaganda, companies use the "illusion of choice" to coerce you into believing that you prefer the products that are most favorable to them. In order to change this into the consumer's favor, you need to be an informed consumer in the free market, and raise class consciousness to overthrow the tyranny of Capitalist Propaganda, that is called "Marketing". *************************************************************************************** You can't understand Capitalist Propaganda unless you have a solid understanding of what Capitalism is beyond the literal definition of the word, which is just an abstract ideal. Propaganda plays off of the discrepancies between the ideals of Capitalism, like the free market, which is another abstract ideal, and the reality of Capitalism in practice in America, which can be characterized as Trickle Down Economics. Capitalism sought to be a pragmatic alternative to its economic predecessors, a fact which drives Capitalist Propaganda. However, through layers of abstraction throughout the years, it has become more of a religion, as critics refer to the increasingly ideological concept as "Supply Side Jesus", meaning you give all the money to the rich, it'll trickle down to the poor, and they can "vote" on the actions of the capitalists through monetary interactions in the free market. Capitalist Propaganda is engrained in America, because at the time of our founding, Adam Smith wrote "Wealth of Nations", which is considered the Bible of the Free Market. This groundbreaking work utilized Newton's Laws of Physics, which were en vogue at the time, to describe how interactions in the marketplace would balance each other out, just as the laws of Newtonian Physics do. The very noble purpose of Wealth of Nations was not create the oligarchy we have today, but to do the opposite. He wanted to describe a system that would protect individual freedoms and be truly democratic. Just as Lenin and Stalin bastardized the works of Marx, so too have capitalists in America bastardized the intentions of Adam Smith. Capitalism and Socialism are best learned side by side, in my opinion, to avoid falling into the trappings of either ideology that our brains like to do. Which one is better? It depends on the market, but the answer is almost always somewhere in between. Through learning how Socialist concepts can be applied to problems in Capitalism, you can cut through the propaganda and will see for yourself that these problems can be solved if we just drop the labels and do what's best for society and the individual. The problem is always finding the proper balance. *************************************************************************************** *************************************************************************************** WHAT? CAPITALISM AND SOCIALISM ARE JOINED AT THE HIP? Yep. You can never live in a pure economic system. Purity is always an illusion. If you want something to be pure, you have to put a lot of energy into making it that way. Nature likes to mix stuff up. This is why ideologies around racial purity and fascism always fail. There are people who want a "pure" economic system, but they are usually the people at the top and would only get richer from more purity while the rest of society loses freedom and slowly starves. In a nutshell, Capitalism promotes laws that benefit those with money, while Socialism promotes a safety net that benefits everyone. Every single human is born into Socialism. As a baby, you need food, someone else works for it and gives it to you, but then at some point, you are expected to exchange labor for capital, and buy your own food. See? The two are forever bound as the yin and yang. You can also grow your own food, but for that you need land, which is capital. These interactions are very tricky. I only want to tell you enough so that you can start to see Capitalist Propaganda, because right now, you're like a fish in water that can't see water. I often use this line to describe a person who can't see their own homegrown propaganda. The best way I found to study Capitalism is by relating it Socialism, the "air" above the "water" of Capitalism, if that makes sense. I always find it best to look at a microcosm to understand these concepts. And today, that microcosm is beer. Mmmm....Beeeeeeeeeerrrrrrr..... *************************************************************************************** *************************************************************************************** CONFLICT OF INTEREST AND THE ILLUSION OF CHOICE Before I poison your mind with my own propaganda, picture you're on vacation and you walk into a bar and want to order a beer. If you really want to understand the power of propaganda in your own life, really think of this before we break this all down. Really think, what makes you decide which beer to order? Do you like to look at the labels on the tap or bottle? That's obvious propaganda. It has absolutely nothing to do with the taste or quality of the beer itself, but sways your opinion toward logos you've seen before, which is why you see so many beer advertisements, which means that money that could've gone into quality is instead going into propaganda, and you're already biased towards an inferior product. Interesting. You really can't help being swayed by marketing, but at least you can be conscious of that fact, and that's important in order to be an informed consumer. Do you ask the bartender for a recommendation? Why would you do that? You don't know the bartender any better than the beers in front of you. How do you know they aren't paid more to offer you a beer that sucks and is 12 years old and the owner wants to get rid of it? Do you ask for a certain style of beer? Do you ask for a local beer? And once you finally narrow it down to a few choices, do you ask for samples so you can make up your own mind? You should always do this. Then we get into "flavor propaganda", which we'll discuss later. Jeez. Did you every realize there was so much complexity behind being an informed consumer and just ordering a simple beer? Maybe you'll give in and just tell the bartender to pour whatever. Choice is difficult sometimes. If you really visualize this and take a minute to let this sink in, you'll start to understand how external forces hijack the processor in your mind to manufacture desire through the illusion of choice. However, your health and enjoyment of the beer is not the goal for these external forces, they only want you to purchase. The perfect example is fast food. They know their product sucks, but they know you'll keep buying it, but that doesn't keep them from lying about how delicious it is in their ads. There is far more at play behind the curtain. There is a science behind addicting you to things, this is reinforced by a corporate tax and subsidy system that contorts the free market pushing centralization of production through homogenization and use of chemicals to hide the homogenization, and simply because there is more than one option, they make you feel like you have choice. This, in a nutshell, is how the illusion of choice works in the free market. It's not about what YOU want. The producer manipulates you to think you want what they have. Through this, they deceive Americans into buying products with a list of ingredients that a person would never freely choose to consume. So if you want to order a beer with no shit in it, then you're shit out of luck in America. You could in Germany, but we'll discuss that later. While you're standing at that bar, you aren't conscious of the fact that your interests are in direct opposition to those of the bar owner's. Capitalists hide this fact with their perfect smiles, but Marx described this in detail. You want the best beer for the cheapest price, and the bar owner wants to sell you the cheapest beer at the highest price you'll pay. It doesn't stop there. The bar owner flips roles in the same situation with the beer distributor, who does the same with maybe another level of distribution, and continues to the brewer, then goes to the brewer versus supplier, supplier to farmer, and even though you'd think it stops there, the farmer has to deal with suppliers of equipment and seeds, and on and on. Add to this list their auxiliary staff of HR, drivers, managers, brewers, bottle/keg makers, and of course owners, none of them care whether you actually like the beer you're drinking as long as you keep buying more. That's the big driver here. Did you ever realize that every time you buy a beer, your own capital is partially responsible for creating and sustaining all of these jobs involved? You, my dear beer drinker, are the true job creator. Budweiser can brew all they want, it means nothing without buyers, who are the true engines of capitalism. Instead, you're treated as a rube by suits in a boardroom somewhere. Capitalist Propaganda tells us the billionaires are job creators, but this is a lie. Jeff Bezos can't drink enough beer to sustain all these jobs. So why do we let him hoard all the money? Wouldn't the economy do better if we spread out Jeff's money so more people could buy more beers and more jobs would be created? According to Socialist Economics, yes. That's actually, quite simply, a Socialist Free Market. Did you even know that existed? The power hungry greedy people who are too lazy for manual labor go to such great lengths to make sure you don't learn it. They want you to think that only Capitalism allows you choice in the market. I'm sure you can guess why they say that. Capitalism maintains itself by exulting the wealthy who use their economic power to punch down. The only way this system won't fall into fascism and fail is if the consumers start to punch back. Where Marx envisioned the Dictatorship of the Proletariat as they usurped power from the Bourgeoisie, a modern alternative is just teaching people to understand the system we live in, so that we can just start making changes in the way we live and to whom we give our money. See that? Capitalism and Socialism can get along nicely, so long as the consumers are informed. *************************************************************************************** *************************************************************************************** CLASS CONSCIOUSNESS AND THE ALIENATION OF LABOR CAUSING LONELINESS IN SOCIETY What I described within the previous section is what Marx called "Alienation of Labor". Each step in the process of making your beer is isolated from the others, so no one feels ownership over the end product or a true connection to the consumer, or job creator. Even the bartender selling it is alienated from the profit of their labor in serving the beer, so they only focus on the service aspect of giving you the beer, because that is where they earn their tip. They can't really fix anything about a shitty beer other than to offer you a different brand. The capitalist owner is usually not there. Their only interaction is setting the rules for everyone in the bar to follow, and pay themselves more than everyone who has to follow those rules. This is part of the conflict between the classes. I'm not saying it's right or wrong, I'm just pointing it out. The bar owner themself has to spend money on propaganda to attract customers that could be spent in other places, so has to find ways to cut costs. Unfortunately, they buy cheaper beer...and this is why you end up with IPAs. No one is connected to the products, so they only look at prices and find the cheapest, passable product. This is the race to the bottom of Capitalism. Compare this to when brewpubs were a new thing. The brewer would come out and talk to you about the beer, you would give feedback that could effect future batches and it connected everyone to each other through commerce. It makes business "social" and I think nearly everyone enjoys that, but it is losing out in competition with chain breweries that enforce isolation and make cookie cutter propaganda and cookie cutter business models so they can turn owners into managers and suck all the profit back their corporate headquarters and offshore accounts. They kill the experience and make everything transactional. And all the kitsch they hang around their cookie cutter chain bar is just to hide the fact that no one in that place cares about anything other than not getting fired. Everyone is effectually alienated from everyone else. It's worth a read to check out this page on Marx's Theory of Alienation. This alienation is the root of a lot of misery in society. Humans are communal animals forced to live in a society of individuality and alienation. As they mope around, they seek an escape. And that is why advertising is so nefarious. It seeks to manipulate you in that state. Imagine driving home from your alienating job to you empty home, but looking up and see a billboard with bunch of actors laughing and drinking beer. They take pictures that make these actors look like friends. It's just for show. They aren't selling beer to those laughing people in the picture. They're tempting lonely people to drown their sorrows. Capitalist Propaganda is used so your brain doesn't understand what it wants. It wants friends, then sees the words Bud Light. So when the bartenders asks...Make it a Bud Light. Look at how much money they spend to manipulate and capitalize on people's suffering. Propaganda in Communist countries is controlled by the government, so it's clear who the enemy of your freedom is. Capitalist Propaganda hides behind the layers of complexity of the same economy you rely on to survive, so you never know what's propaganda or where it's coming from. Marketers find every way imaginable to get their disinformation in front of your eyes, even enlisting your friends on Facebook in annoying MLM schemes. Propaganda invaded everything that can be legally monetized. It's in the media, and not just commercials anymore. There's product placement, stories injected into the news, and even movies and social media created an entire industry of "lifestyle propaganda", telling you how to live your life and indulge in overconsumption. It's REALLY hard to get away from Capitalist Propaganda. There is so much money and research behind it and so much depth, even this long post is only barely scratching the surface. I just want to open your eyes to it. I can't make you see all this. No one can. I can only describe it as best as I can. What you will experience when you understand this is what I call "Economic Enlightenment", similar to what Marx called "Class Consciousness". Once it happened to me, the world looked amazing, and the shitty propagandists selling us false hope all look like clowns in a very odd circus of vanity, despair and mediocrity. Once I understood this, I saw clearly how we are increasingly trapped in a form of Corporate Slavery, led by seriously ridiculous oligarchs like Mark Zuckerberg, who thinks he's the reincarnation of Augustus Caesar or something. That's why he has that haircut! This is a guy who stole a company and hired "screen psychologists" from Las Vegas to get you hooked on Facebook the same as casinos do with slot machines. He wants to be the funnel for propaganda throughout the world. He wants to be the kingmaker, decide what people buy, who they like, what views they hold. He can only do this because so many companies spend so much money to put their propaganda on that platform. They can only have this much money because the free market is not actually free. It's bought and paid for on platforms like Facebook and Amazon. The money that was supposed to "trickle down" is instead being spent on Capitalist Propaganda on these platforms, to get the proletariate to trickle their money up through endless, nonsensical online purchasing and local businesses who send the town's money to people who can't do anything with it but buy up properties that increase your rent and cost of living. When people get drunk on the power of propaganda, they forget the lessons of the past. Propagandists always fall prey to their own delusions over time. In reality, your life is better without Facebook. There isn't anything on there that is healthy. Even if you just want to talk to a few friends, you are going to fall for the propaganda there. You can't help it. And if your bar advertises on Facebook, just think, that money could've gone into purchasing higher quality beer then sold at the same price, instead of going to Mark Zuckerberg so he can drop $30 million to buy the houses around him so no one can spy on him while he spies on you. You really gotta watch out for a guy who combines spying and propaganda all into a single app and thinks he's going to bring 200 years of peace to America. History is littered with knuckleheads like that. It's best to get off Facebook and encourage everyone else to do the same. Zuck only wants to lead himself to the Promised Land, and he's using your ignorance to fuel his own delusions by deluding you into thinking you want what he has to offer. Let's get back to beer. *************************************************************************************** *************************************************************************************** IPAs AND THE FREE MARKET VS THE RACE TO THE BOTTOM I like beer. When I worked in Germany, it was easy to walk into a bar and, like Farva, just order a liter o' beer. Often, there would only be two choices, light color or dark. As a matter of fact, even at the most famous beer festival in the world, Oktoberfest, people mostly drink the same standard type of beer, and no one complains about the lack of choice. It's quite easy. You can order with one finger. No need to see a menu or ask what's in it. It's simply beer. This worked for centuries. Consumers are fine with it. Prost! Have you ever shared a story like this and people say, "Oh, that would never work in America. Americans want choice." Yeah. Because we are flooded with Capitalist Propaganda. So if consumer choice isn't pushing for a selection, why would a free market call for it? Imagine there are two bars and one of those bars says "30 beers on tap" and the other doesn't. You're more likely to choose it, and the other bar will have to compete in some way, often by copying. This forms trends, and people mistake this for something customers wanted. Trends are always marketing. Don't believe me? What happened to fidget spinners? So now you have a bunch of beers that no one asked for, yet will now demand. Competition creates more Capitalist Propaganda to create demand for something you never even wanted, but makes you think you do. And that's the best propaganda. You think you are thinking for yourself. This is the fallacy of consumer choice. If you want to understand just how important that last paragraph is, consider this, "consumer choice" is the same propaganda they used to get you to carry around a device that spies on you 24/7 and sends that data to people you don't know, and you can't stop it, can you? You chose that. You wanted it. Not only that, but you paid $1,000 for the device to opt into their spying program, for the privilege of being mind controlled by the propaganda their AI selects for you. Did you read the Terms of Service? As bad as you may have thought Communist Propaganda was, Capitalist Propaganda is far better, and far stealthier. You believe you have freedom of choice. But your only choice is usually take it, or leave it. Oh, you need it for work? Maybe find a different job. Or just succumb to mass surveillance, and next year, you can drop another grand on a device with a marginally better camera. There is a way to free yourself. You just have to understand the nature of propaganda. It took me a while, but I eventually broke free. Under Socialism, there would be laws against the exploitation of consumers. Capitalist Propaganda tells you that this takes away your freedom. This is a lie. Regulations give you the freedom to not have to worry whether the beer you're drinking has poison in it. Germany has a lot of regulations on beer. It has the Reinheitsgebot (purity order), a law passed in 1516 that states that beer can only consist of water, hops and barley. Note, this is a different use of the word "purity" from earlier, as beer is itself a mixture of things. Historically there have also been regulations where beer could only be sold regionally, so no matter what part of Germany you were in, you only got a certain brand of beer at the bar, but it didn't matter because they all had the same ingredients. They could make wheat beers or unfiltered, but they were generally variations of pilsners and lagers. One meaning of the word "Lager" in German is "storage", meaning the beer was brewed in a way that it could be stored, allowing them to brew in bigger batches and store it. Lagers use a more complex brewing process, so only larger breweries would make them, but this worked because of protected territories. America has a similar system, because each state has its own regulations on alcohol, but this is changing as corporate lawyers fight to homogenize the rules favorable to them, but the consumer loses control. Big brands tend to be lagers as they have general appeal to a wide audience. Did you notice this is the second time I pointed out that corporations create homogeneity? Without regulations, corporations create Fascism. That is why I tell people that we already live in the NWO but corporations rule the world instead of governments. Why do you think so few conspiracy theorists make this connection? Propagandists are paid a lot of money to keep even our small community confused about the reality of what's happening. Now, check out conspiracy and you'll see what I mean. They are spreading propaganda for the NWO over there and don't even know it. I tried to point that out and they finally banned me. Oh well. They'll figure it out in their own time. In America, in 1978 it became legal to brew beer at home. This is what led to the explosion of new beers in the US decades later. Americans don't have purity laws, so could test new recipes. But people didn't generally like IPAs before, so how did they become so popular that they control 30% of the market? Marketing, of course. Create the market and tell people what they want. IPA stands for India Pale Ale. It was invented by the British as an easy way to make a beer that they could drink in India. People only drank it out of necessity, as the other beers couldn't make the trip. IPAs are very easy to make and very forgiving, because if you mess it up, it already tasted bad anyway. As people started trying to get into microbrews, they often didn't have the capital to make lagers at small scale, and also wanted a simpler process so they didn't have to hire or train expert brewers, IPAs are cheap and easy to make at smaller scale. In order to make it drinkable, brewers experimented with many different flavorings. This created a cult following of craft IPAs, where people would drive hours to stand in line for hours to try the newest concoction. The trendy nature of the craft beer world kept people training their palate to adapt to the taste of an IPA, making people start to actually like them. The flavorings made people think they were different, so even if they didn't like it, marketing tactics kept people coming back to try the latest blend. Your palate can adapt A LOT. Swedish people love Surströmming, but watch this video of Americans trying it for the first time. They tried to get me to eat it several times, but I would rather sit in a sauna until Tuesday to avoid smelling it while watching them eat it. It really smells that bad. IPAs enticed people with popular, aromatic ingredients like bananas and pineapple. This is what I call "flavor propaganda". It's not bad in and of itself, but it can be easily misused to cover issues with quality or hide the taste of preservatives. Since we don'e have laws like Germany, you're left to rely on the knowledge and honesty of the bartender to find out. They don't make this info readily available, which is another form of Disinformation. So if you think you actually like IPAs, just remember, you are just like a Swede eating rotten fish. A lot of propaganda went in to making IPAs popular, but it's the cheapest, easiest product to make that can be sold at the highest price, so they become popular. This is what business students call a business plan. To overcome the bad taste, IPAs were marketed as "classy" to shame you if you choose the more expensive to produce and more appealing pilsners and lagers, which were given a bad name due to being associated with major brands like Bud Light. This makes it harder to market microbrew lagers, which can only fetch a certain price due to association. And this is what is referred to as the "race to the bottom" in Capitalism. Instead of trying to innovate ways to produce the beers you want, they just figure out how to get you to pay more for an inferior product, just like they do with BBQ. They make you think you want it. From this you can understand why "food" is full of junk that you wouldn't feed your dog. Whatever legal poison helps cheapen the product is considered "smart business", another propaganda term designed to hide the reality of doing immoral and harmful things to other humans for profit. If you make money on it, it's good. As if there aren't better choices we could come up with if there truly were a free market with an informed consumer. *************************************************************************************** *************************************************************************************** STRENGTHEN THE FREE MARKET BY BEING AN INFORMED CONSUMER We don't need a Communist Revolution to make positive changes, so take off your ski masks and put your Antifa flags down. I like microbrew culture and still enjoy IPAs, but understanding the marketplace is how I do my part as an informed consumer and job creator to help create the world that I want to live in. I encourage you to do the same. Vote with your dollars. Don't let the Zuck-type sociopathic, corporate people in a distant land decide what you consume by looking at ads on his platform. Visit local breweries and talk to the brewmaster. Don't reinforce alienation from labor. Connect with the people who make the things you buy. Support independent entrepreneurship. These are the paths to a brighter future where we share in the abundance of wealth. Discover Economic Enlightenment for yourself and realize that We The People are ultimately in control. Wealth inequality is greater than it was in France before the French Revolution. Don't let this train take us into the depths where another Lenin will arise and spend the night shooting people. How you choose to spend your money today is what decides what will become the society of tomorrow. And remember, you always have the choice to buy nothing at all. I never saw a billboard that said that. *************************************************************************************** *************************************************************************************** LET THEM DRINK BEER! I hope this gave you a glimpse behind the curtain of Capitalist Propaganda. Propaganda isn't just political, it has invaded everything and it's at full blast right now. I hope you can piece together how Capitalist Propaganda is actually designed to make you subservient by controlling what you want so they can maximize their own profit and teach you to accept whatever they offer, the homogenization of choice. However, your life is your own and you should remain in control of all aspects of it, including your desires. Richard Wolff is an economist who studied at three elite universities in America and discusses how he was not able to even learn about Socialist Economics in the ivory tower, even though Capitalist Propaganda calls universities leftist. He found no department in America that is even willing to teach it or study it. Capitalist Propaganda censors these ideas, especially at the university. People in power don't want the serfs to learn about themselves. Check him out on YouTube. You'll realize that unchecked Capitalism leads to Fascism and Slavery, which is why they want to get rid of the minimum wage, so that we can return to sharecropping which is already increasingly happening in America under different names, like "student debt", "mortgages" and "insurance". Don't you think it's odd that a person has to go into debt so they can generate profits for corporations who really ought to be paying for this education themselves? If you have to go into debt before they'll hire you, it's much easier to negotiate against you. If you want to see other examples of propaganda, check out this random tweet from one of America's Top Capitalist Propagandists. These are very odd pictures, and the only thing I can see in them is that they must be promoting those outfits, likely the blue dress, maybe those men's outfits as well. One thing you know is that she didn't become a billionaire by letting any single opportunity to enrich herself at the expense of others pass her by. I didn't look it up, but I am certain they sell that blue dress, or whoever does paid her to post this. That's the main reason celebrities use social media. It's marketing. Their whole schtick is to sell garments made in a sweatshop in a foreign country by people who can't even afford a beer to Americans who are facing bankruptcy and homelessness themselves. Read the replies of the tweet. These people have influence that vastly outsizes their understanding of their impact on the world. There are guillotines in the comments. There usually are. I'm seeing them a lot lately. This type of propaganda is everywhere. And it's destroying America. Just like propaganda led to the demise of Nazi Germany, we could be looking at the same thing, but worse. It could start off as famine. If you're having trouble deciding between the beers you are being offered, it's probably because you don't want anything at all, in which case the proper choice is: nothing. Or, try tap water. Maybe you're just thirsty. Now ask yourself, when you envisioned yourself at a bar, did you ever think to order water instead? Did you entertain the idea that you didn't even want a beer. That's the power of suggestion. What if the rest of the world just cut America off from the means of production outsourced to areas with cheap labor? We would have our own famine and likely war. And if we have a revolution here, with the masses in the country being so disinformed about everything and not having any sort of class consciousness at the moment and instead stuck in alienation, the leader that rises here will likely lead to something horrifying. And we censor ourselves from pointing out the simple fact, that the only way America will survive is to tax the deluded royalty like Kim and Mark back to reality, so they can't indulge their reckless, childish delusions by selling off the very fabric of our nation to the highest bidder. That doesn't make me a Socialist, that just makes me honest. Enjoy your beer! *************************************************************************************** *************************************************************************************** Thanks for reading and I hope I helped you understand how you can empower yourself. I'm excited about the one I wrote for Election Day tomorrow to keep our NOPOL spirits up while all the politics clouds the airwaves. Cheers!
It’s like from horror movies: Recap of 90DF S08E03
Happy Solstice, 90DF-ers, and welcome to your recap! Tonight we’ll learn that thousands of miles is enough room for wildly different interpretations of what’s happening in the world, and somewhere in America there are people who still don’t understand what the US borders are like for brown people. Brandon brings Julia caffeine, so he can live, and announces that his mother has a full day of ruining his relationship planned. “We’re going to kick things off with some tourist traps neither one of us wants to see,” Brandon begins. “Maybe we’ll watch a slow session of Congress, where Sen. Ron Wyden will make an impassioned plea to empty seats, before they all trade photos of their latest vacations. Then we’ll stare at that big ass statue of Abe Lincoln sitting down, and pose at the church where Trump held up a Bible. It’ll be magical.” Brandon assures Julia that it doesn’t matter what shoe she chooses, since they’ll trot from place to place in one of those nursing home buses with an elevator, and the generous tour guide will tell everyone aboard to turn up their hearing aids to get ready for an awesome, medically-sensitive time. Oh, and they’re leaving 12 seconds after she finishes her laxative tea, so if she thought for a second they’d have a leisurely morning bang-a-rang, think again. “This is not relationship time,” Julia has seen the future. “Everywhere we go, there is mother, waiting. If I lift blinds, her face is on other side, and we are 22 stories up. How can she scale wall?” “This is fine,” Brandon disagrees, rebelliously reaching for a second juice box. “And don’t tell me to slow down. My mom didn’t get this kid leash to just abandon it on the precipice of my third decade on earth. Right Nicole?” “What? I’m only a mom on instagram,” Nicole always has the rebuttal. Julia helpfully points out that never in the history of genitals has separate rooms led to lack of fucking, and all mom is doing is inviting them to pound out their own crop circle in the wheat fields between the Cornhole setup and the goat barn. She again begs Brandon to act like an adult. “Pass,” Brandon replies, reaching for a pudding cup parfait. “I like to use a graham cracker for a spoon.” They head out to meet mom and dad, and mom is already disappointed that this duo failed to wake at 5AM to kick off the first part of the field trip. Julia boards the fun bus and tosses some fat shaming at folks trying to fucking jog. If people are willingly participating in a sport that’s boring as hell for the sake of their health, you need to keep your selfie-stick to yourself. Which she does, in front of every monument, over and over and over again. “Have you noticed Julia has a third arm?” Mom jokes. “Brandon certainly doesn’t,” dad laughs. They try to inspire Julia with a paragraph from Smithsonian magazine, and Julia declares she has no interest in politics, other than the part where she comes from the only block of the world with easy access to the US of A. Having worked up an appetite, they announce plans for an outdoor burger feast on dad, and as he wanders off with Julia so they can retrieve the food, Brandon brings up the awkward sleeping situation again. “It’s weird,” Brandon admits. “It’s almost like I don’t have much control over my life while I’m totally financially dependent on my mom.” Mom’s not budging, and Brandon’s not thinking creatively, so they’re stuck in the same place they started from, right down to the monument. Brandon’s mom tries to get them to move on before they all go to dinner as a team. Remembering his penis, Brandon realizes it’s time to draw a line, and says he made plans for just the two of them, so they’re going to bounce. There’s a long pause, and this is Brandon’s opportunity to feel guilty and course correct, but Brandon is used to this shit from his mother, and Julia’s titties are way more interesting to him than the ones he suckled from on Thursday. They go out for an unsupervised dinner, and Brandon says his mom’s position stands. Julia says if this is the case they need to GTFO fast, and Brandon says that he’s broke from pretending to have money, and since he has a job and no expenses save for credit card debt, what’s a boy to do? Julia says it’s strange to not have money for the future. “Hello, I’m the America,” the Statue of Liberty steps in for clarity. “No one has any money for the present, let alone the future, except Jeff Bezos. You are now his slave.” Yara is here to deliver that traditional Eastern European dryness we’ve come to expect since The Sopranos let us know that only Americans expect to be happy. She’s taking that cool detachment to Cajun country, where she has no plans of triggering wrinkles with an unexpected change of facial expression. Still, you can tell Yara has been kissed with the Kalani Curse, meaning she’s looking down the barrel of a cruel edit, and will likely be the only reasonable person at the reunion. Case in point: she gives no actual fucks about staying at Jovi’s mother’s house, she simply doesn’t understand why. At Casa de Jovi, his mother takes a cautious approach, and says that she’s making some kind of magical Creole fish dish, which she thinks Yara will like. Sure enough, Yara confirms that the food in question is tasty. Mom asks what they have in mind for a wedding, and Jovi says they were thinking twenty minutes between slot machines in Vegas, the truly economic solution. Yara doesn’t think a big wedding is appropriate, since both families can’t be there, and if they go that route they’ll be the 30th couple on this series to make us suffer through two weddings. Mom wants to at least throw them a party of some kind, and here I think the language barrier is getting in the way. Yara seems to interpret this as Jovi’s mother continuing to insist on a formal wedding, when she’s talking about a reception (I think). Can someone save this please? “What?” Jovi is on the fucking phone. “I wasn’t listening. I’m about to becoming a substitute member of the crew on Below Deck.” The phone call in question was, in fact, Jovi’s job, and apparently they might want him to start working sooner than he’d planned. That means even less time with Yara before he has to dip out on their 90 days. “I don’t understand why I must stay at mother’s house, when he doesn’t even have to stay in the country,” Yara raises a really good point here. The camera crew thoughtfully zooms in on a black grasshopper, so we have something interesting to look at. They all go to bed, and Yara says she wasn’t really comfortable until she got sauced enough to complain to Jovi in private. She reports not being impressed with the food, and Jovi says that he doesn’t care in a tone that suggests he does care. Yara insists Cajun cuisine is nothing compared to the complex dining of Ukraine, where all the spices are in the salt shaker. Jovi retorts that she might dislike his hometown, but hers is bullshit too, so as long as they both privately hate everything about each other, this should be fine. Lara notes that mom didn’t ask her about her personality, only the wedding, and Jovi insists this is how moms are, which he knows because he’s met one. Yara asserts that when she says no she means no, so why does mom push her. “I don’t want to get married in a trailer park,” Yara insists. “Good thing I probably won’t be getting married at all.” Hear me, hear me! Let us rise and greet Lord Andrew, first of his name, heir to the realm of daycare, where he shall henceforth use his kingly attire twice daily, and no matter how many times Brandon asks, he’s not allowed to enroll. Andrew says he’s lucky to have dated many wonderful women, and with this kind of peaceful understanding of his dating history, we should all be suspicious of his place on this show. Anyway, having met many but not THE ONE, Andrew decided to take his love hunt international, and two days after signing on he met a lady named Amira, from France. He courts her by doing a couple of whip-its and talking in a high pitched voice about hugs, which really does a number on Amira’s glue high. After talking for awhile he asked where she wanted to go, and they arranged to meet in Vegas. Two weeks later he dropped to his knees with a proposal. “I would rearrange the stars for Amira,” Lord Andrew declares, proving he’s a Paul in disguise. All was going just dandy, and Amira was approved for the K-1, when suddenly COVID struck the masses, and countries took turn barring each other from entry. After waiting awhile Amira’s visa is on the brink of expiring, so they need to act fast, or fill out more paperwork or something. Andrew reports that he’s really good at Reddit, and funnyguy654 assures him that since Trump built a sprawling found art landscape instead of a wall, they should be able to quarantine in Mexico for two weeks, and then cross into the states. With just two days before departure, Amira struggles to piece a suitcase together, while Andrew selects a hat from his retired raver collection for FaceTime. Amira is nervous, but she doesn’t want to risk losing Andrew. She goes out to lunch with her dad to discuss the future, and dad isn’t a fan. Amira says that Lord Andrew told her that if she doesn’t board a plane he’s going to resent her forever, and dad pipes in that this isn’t love. Amira says that might be true, but since when has that stopped anyone from going on this show? Dad adds that all Andrew does is wear funny hats and make her cry, and she reminds him about the helium, which doesn’t make dad feel better. Andrew meets his sister Connie, who is mad about him missing her baby shower. His baby shower gift is a fucking beret, which is on every baby’s “must have” list, between diapers and a tit pump, but viva la on-the-nose France! Connie has met Amira a few times, and thinks she’s a bit superficial, which is what Andrew has been looking for in a life mate. Andrew reports there’s been some issues between them, since she’s not stoked about producing crotch fruit. “I mean, a lot of people seek out someone like Amira for child rearing purposes. My biological clock is ticking,” Andrew reports, while Connie still tries to process what trash can to dump this baby beret in. Connie is concerned about their forthcoming fourteen days of quarantine, and wants them to talk about the bigger topics he’s been ignoring while appreciating Amira’s physical appearance. Andrew says he’s sure they’ll talk about a lot of things, like how to get her out of an ICE camp and what this funny fever might be about, and everything should be just fine. Over in Virginia, Tarik is over an hour late to meet his best friend Angela, who is wearing too interesting an outfit to just send him a photo of a middle finger and go home. Angela does her best to bite back bile as he selects an assortment of Napoleon Dynamite apparel, and mentions that he’s got no plans to invite brother Dean back into his life. Tarik reminds us that dude gave him ten flavors of shit about Hazel, only to go to the Philippines to find a lady of his own. This made Tarik so mad he yelled in a restaurant about respect with a backwards hat on his head, while the unchecked irony brought tears to Angela’s eyes. I’m not sure why Dean being a hypocrite is enough to tank their entire relationship, but I’m also not sure why Hazel looks like Minty. Tarik reports that they’re not talking, and Dean won’t be at the wedding, but it doesn’t really matter because Angela is way more interesting anyways. Angela stands down as they add a bow tie to a suit that matches Lord Andrew’s beret, and Tarik also brings up the special struggles of parenting a child with autism, and how the only woman he’d ever lived with is his daughter’s mother, and that “didn’t go as expected.” This reveals a lot about Tarik’s ability to adjust to disappointment, but his enthusiasm to celebrate the arrival of his Angelina Jolie fetish realization only mounts. At the airport, florists continue to dominate, thanks to the enduring legacy of Larissa’s airport snub. “I would like to thank me for my services!” Larissa triumphantly announces. Tarik is nervous, because while he’s thrilled to see her again, he hasn’t mentioned that he reached out to Minty to see if she’s safe in a cold COVID world. Hazel forbid him from contacting her, since it was obvious Minty was only sampling clam to get to the sausage, and that is one fucked up pizza. At the airport Hazel boldly descends the escalator while not gripping the railing, causing my anxiety to spike to 2016 levels, and she tells Tarik he looks so handsome while smiling. Then she notices that he brought her favorite flowers and is wearing her favorite color. At this point, I’m kinda wondering if Hazel sent in Minty as her stunt double to get out of this show, because I see little similarities between the Hazel we met, and the one we’re looking at now. Hazel happily learns that Tarik’s house is a short ten minute jog away, and he describes his living situation as “average, by American standards” and Mike’s house would like a word. Hazel struggles to find the “clean” Tarik describes under the clutter, and is overwhelmed by all the stuff and the size. Hazel recalls crying over leaving her son, and Tarik assures her that he’ll be stateside eventually, and this is just step one of many. Natalie wakes up refreshed after a night in a dank hotel room in Seattle, and she’s happy to report that despite their tension, she’s more than capable of batting his penis around like a cat toy to get right to the root of the fruit. She’s not sure if she’s ready for the cold slap of Mike’s extended family, but the 90DF producers said they wouldn’t spring for the hotel unless she met Uncle Beau. They head to a restaurant, and Beau arrives sporting peak PacNW fashion. “Here we have Beau wearing a fetching orange beanie, with sporty sunglasses firmly locking it in place,” the announcer begins. “With a twirl you’ll note the leather vest allows for the hoodie worn underneath to just flow, and the well-worn jeans provide ample pockets for his teeth and arrest record.” Natalie says she likes his style, and if she does, she’d better get used to saying that a lot. This look dominates my block, save for the few houses that appear to be sponsored by Patagonia or North Face, and the dueling camps of USA! USA! Vs. all black everything. “...” Mike says. Natalie accelerates to potential points of conflict, by fixating on Uncle Beau’s diet of whiskey and assault charges. She asks how many of those he drinks with meals, and he says “as many as they’ll bring me,” which is today’s t-shirt waiting to happen. From there she seizes the opportunity to tell the waiter that food doesn’t arrive on a hubcap in Ukraine, and reports that she’s there to get married, but her ring. I’d call her a passive-aggression queen, but PA is normally a lot more subtle. Natalie worries that she’s not cut out for the country, but Sequim boasts many options for the city lass, including lavender farms in bloom for two months out of the year, elk in your backyard, 30 days of night, a museum where you can buy oil paintings of dogs, and an online review that describes the place as “a place to die, not to live”. All the same, it wouldn’t be hard to give her a pep talk on the region, pointing out that they’re close to massive stands of old growth forest, two hours from Seattle, up the butt of peak whale watching, and an hour from Port Townsend, land of a thousand wayward authors. Of course, one would only provide a pep talk if you actually want her to stay. “...” says Mike. They make the two hour trek and head up a snowy road to Casa de Mike, which is little more than a white and brown box. Natalie is struck silent by how right she was to kick Beau out of what would have become cramped quarters, and how much paint, art, and lighting she’s going to have to buy, when she’s finally done ripping out that carpet. “It’s like from horror movies. I just hate horror movies,” Natalie says, while Mike thinks the same thing, but for very different reasons, and the cat hears her talking shit, and runs. She asks for tea, and Mike shows how prepared he is for her arrival by dragging a sad box of Lipton out of his cupboard, between taking deep swallows of coolant fluid. “Eventually, I’ll drink enough,” he reports, as the kettle whistles and the heart beating under his porch captures Natalie’s attention. Next time: a woman desperate to be called a cougar seeks 25 year-old guy to discuss over tarot cards, Julia brings her selfie stick to capture the wonders of pig manure, Zied’s mother cries, Natalie approaches her next tier of complaint, Amira is scared to travel to Mexico for good reason, Jovi describes their apartment as his, and a salesperson tries to get him to acknowledge other people exist, and fails. Thank you, Patreon supporters!
It’s Like From Horror Movies: Recap of 90DF S08E03
Happy Solstice, 90DF-ers, and welcome to your recap! Tonight we’ll learn that thousands of miles is enough room for wildly different interpretations of what’s happening in the world, and somewhere in America there are people who still don’t understand what the US borders are like for brown people. Brandon brings Julia caffeine, so he can live, and announces that his mother has a full day of ruining his relationship planned. “We’re going to kick things off with some tourist traps neither one of us wants to see,” Brandon begins. “Maybe we’ll watch a slow session of Congress, where Sen. Ron Wyden will make an impassioned plea to empty seats, before they all trade photos of their latest vacations. Then we’ll stare at that big ass statue of Abe Lincoln sitting down, and pose at the church where Trump held up a Bible. It’ll be magical.” Brandon assures Julia that it doesn’t matter what shoe she chooses, since they’ll trot from place to place in one of those nursing home buses with an elevator, and the generous tour guide will tell everyone aboard to turn up their hearing aids to get ready for an awesome, medically-sensitive time. Oh, and they’re leaving 12 seconds after she finishes her laxative tea, so if she thought for a second they’d have a leisurely morning bang-a-rang, think again. “This is not relationship time,” Julia has seen the future. “Everywhere we go, there is mother, waiting. If I lift blinds, her face is on other side, and we are 22 stories up. How can she scale wall?” “This is fine,” Brandon disagrees, rebelliously reaching for a second juice box. “And don’t tell me to slow down. My mom didn’t get this kid leash to just abandon it on the precipice of my third decade on earth. Right Nicole?” “What? I’m only a mom on instagram,” Nicole always has the rebuttal. Julia helpfully points out that never in the history of genitals has separate rooms led to lack of fucking, and all mom is doing is inviting them to pound out their own crop circle in the wheat fields between the Cornhole setup and the goat barn. She again begs Brandon to act like an adult. “Pass,” Brandon replies, reaching for a pudding cup parfait. “I like to use a graham cracker for a spoon.” They head out to meet mom and dad, and mom is already disappointed that this duo failed to wake at 5AM to kick off the first part of the field trip. Julia boards the fun bus and tosses some fat shaming at folks trying to fucking jog. If people are willingly participating in a sport that’s boring as hell for the sake of their health, you need to keep your selfie-stick to yourself. Which she does, in front of every monument, over and over and over again. “Have you noticed Julia has a third arm?” Mom jokes. “Brandon certainly doesn’t,” dad laughs. They try to inspire Julia with a paragraph from Smithsonian magazine, and Julia declares she has no interest in politics, other than the part where she comes from the only block of the world with easy access to the US of A. Having worked up an appetite, they announce plans for an outdoor burger feast on dad, and as he wanders off with Julia so they can retrieve the food, Brandon brings up the awkward sleeping situation again. “It’s weird,” Brandon admits. “It’s almost like I don’t have much control over my life while I’m totally financially dependent on my mom.” Mom’s not budging, and Brandon’s not thinking creatively, so they’re stuck in the same place they started from, right down to the monument. Brandon’s mom tries to get them to move on before they all go to dinner as a team. Remembering his penis, Brandon realizes it’s time to draw a line, and says he made plans for just the two of them, so they’re going to bounce. There’s a long pause, and this is Brandon’s opportunity to feel guilty and course correct, but Brandon is used to this shit from his mother, and Julia’s titties are way more interesting to him than the ones he suckled from on Thursday. They go out for an unsupervised dinner, and Brandon says his mom’s position stands. Julia says if this is the case they need to GTFO fast, and Brandon says that he’s broke from pretending to have money, and since he has a job and no expenses save for credit card debt, what’s a boy to do? Julia says it’s strange to not have money for the future. “Hello, I’m the America,” the Statue of Liberty steps in for clarity. “No one has any money for the present, let alone the future, except Jeff Bezos. You are now his slave.” Yara is here to deliver that traditional Eastern European dryness we’ve come to expect since The Sopranos let us know that only Americans expect to be happy. She’s taking that cool detachment to Cajun country, where she has no plans of triggering wrinkles with an unexpected change of facial expression. Still, you can tell Yara has been kissed with the Kalani Curse, meaning she’s looking down the barrel of a cruel edit, and will likely be the only reasonable person at the reunion. Case in point: she gives no actual fucks about staying at Jovi’s mother’s house, she simply doesn’t understand why. At Casa de Jovi, his mother takes a cautious approach, and says that she’s making some kind of magical Creole fish dish, which she thinks Yara will like. Sure enough, Yara confirms that the food in question is tasty. Mom asks what they have in mind for a wedding, and Jovi says they were thinking twenty minutes between slot machines in Vegas, the truly economic solution. Yara doesn’t think a big wedding is appropriate, since both families can’t be there, and if they go that route they’ll be the 30th couple on this series to make us suffer through two weddings. Mom wants to at least throw them a party of some kind, and here I think the language barrier is getting in the way. Yara seems to interpret this as Jovi’s mother continuing to insist on a formal wedding, when she’s talking about a reception (I think). Can someone save this please? “What?” Jovi is on the fucking phone. “I wasn’t listening. I’m about to becoming a substitute member of the crew on Below Deck.” The phone call in question was, in fact, Jovi’s job, and apparently they might want him to start working sooner than he’d planned. That means even less time with Yara before he has to dip out on their 90 days. “I don’t understand why I must stay at mother’s house, when he doesn’t even have to stay in the country,” Yara raises a really good point here. The camera crew thoughtfully zooms in on a black grasshopper, so we have something interesting to look at. They all go to bed, and Yara says she wasn’t really comfortable until she got sauced enough to complain to Jovi in private. She reports not being impressed with the food, and Jovi says that he doesn’t care in a tone that suggests he does care. Yara insists Cajun cuisine is nothing compared to the complex dining of Ukraine, where all the spices are in the salt shaker. Jovi retorts that she might dislike his hometown, but hers is bullshit too, so as long as they both privately hate everything about each other, this should be fine. Lara notes that mom didn’t ask her about her personality, only the wedding, and Jovi insists this is how moms are, which he knows because he’s met one. Yara asserts that when she says no she means no, so why does mom push her. “I don’t want to get married in a trailer park,” Yara insists. “Good thing I probably won’t be getting married at all.” Hear me, hear me! Let us rise and greet Lord Andrew, first of his name, heir to the realm of daycare, where he shall henceforth use his kingly attire twice daily, and no matter how many times Brandon asks, he’s not allowed to enroll. Andrew says he’s lucky to have dated many wonderful women, and with this kind of peaceful understanding of his dating history, we should all be suspicious of his place on this show. Anyway, having met many but not THE ONE, Andrew decided to take his love hunt international, and two days after signing on he met a lady named Amira, from France. He courts her by doing a couple of whip-its and talking in a high pitched voice about hugs, which really does a number on Amira’s glue high. After talking for awhile he asked where she wanted to go, and they arranged to meet in Vegas. Two weeks later he dropped to his knees with a proposal. “I would rearrange the stars for Amira,” Lord Andrew declares, proving he’s a Paul in disguise. All was going just dandy, and Amira was approved for the K-1, when suddenly COVID struck the masses, and countries took turn barring each other from entry. After waiting awhile Amira’s visa is on the brink of expiring, so they need to act fast, or fill out more paperwork or something. Andrew reports that he’s really good at Reddit, and funnyguy654 assures him that since Trump built a sprawling found art landscape instead of a wall, they should be able to quarantine in Mexico for two weeks, and then cross into the states. With just two days before departure, Amira struggles to piece a suitcase together, while Andrew selects a hat from his retired raver collection for FaceTime. Amira is nervous, but she doesn’t want to risk losing Andrew. She goes out to lunch with her dad to discuss the future, and dad isn’t a fan. Amira says that Lord Andrew told her that if she doesn’t board a plane he’s going to resent her forever, and dad pipes in that this isn’t love. Amira says that might be true, but since when has that stopped anyone from going on this show? Dad adds that all Andrew does is wear funny hats and make her cry, and she reminds him about the helium, which doesn’t make dad feel better. Andrew meets his sister Connie, who is mad about him missing her baby shower. His baby shower gift is a fucking beret, which is on every baby’s “must have” list, between diapers and a tit pump, but viva la on-the-nose France! Connie has met Amira a few times, and thinks she’s a bit superficial, which is what Andrew has been looking for in a life mate. Andrew reports there’s been some issues between them, since she’s not stoked about producing crotch fruit. “I mean, a lot of people seek out someone like Amira for child rearing purposes. My biological clock is ticking,” Andrew reports, while Connie still tries to process what trash can to dump this baby beret in. Connie is concerned about their forthcoming fourteen days of quarantine, and wants them to talk about the bigger topics he’s been ignoring while appreciating Amira’s physical appearance. Andrew says he’s sure they’ll talk about a lot of things, like how to get her out of an ICE camp and what this funny fever might be about, and everything should be just fine. Over in Virginia, Tarik is over an hour late to meet his best friend Angela, who is wearing too interesting an outfit to just send him a photo of a middle finger and go home. Angela does her best to bite back bile as he selects an assortment of Napoleon Dynamite apparel, and mentions that he’s got no plans to invite brother Dean back into his life. Tarik reminds us that dude gave him ten flavors of shit about Hazel, only to go to the Philippines to find a lady of his own. This made Tarik so mad he yelled in a restaurant about respect with a backwards hat on his head, while the unchecked irony brought tears to Angela’s eyes. I’m not sure why Dean being a hypocrite is enough to tank their entire relationship, but I’m also not sure why Hazel looks like Minty. Tarik reports that they’re not talking, and Dean won’t be at the wedding, but it doesn’t really matter because Angela is way more interesting anyways. Angela stands down as they add a bow tie to a suit that matches Lord Andrew’s beret, and Tarik also brings up the special struggles of parenting a child with autism, and how the only woman he’d ever lived with is his daughter’s mother, and that “didn’t go as expected.” This reveals a lot about Tarik’s ability to adjust to disappointment, but his enthusiasm to celebrate the arrival of his Angelina Jolie fetish realization only mounts. At the airport, florists continue to dominate, thanks to the enduring legacy of Larissa’s airport snub. “I would like to thank me for my services!” Larissa triumphantly announces. Tarik is nervous, because while he’s thrilled to see her again, he hasn’t mentioned that he reached out to Minty to see if she’s safe in a cold COVID world. Hazel forbid him from contacting her, since it was obvious Minty was only sampling clam to get to the sausage, and that is one fucked up pizza. At the airport Hazel boldly descends the escalator while not gripping the railing, causing my anxiety to spike to 2016 levels, and she tells Tarik he looks so handsome while smiling. Then she notices that he brought her favorite flowers and is wearing her favorite color. At this point, I’m kinda wondering if Hazel sent in Minty as her stunt double to get out of this show, because I see little similarities between the Hazel we met, and the one we’re looking at now. Hazel happily learns that Tarik’s house is a short ten minute jog away, and he describes his living situation as “average, by American standards” and Mike’s house would like a word. Hazel struggles to find the “clean” Tarik describes under the clutter, and is overwhelmed by all the stuff and the size. Hazel recalls crying over leaving her son, and Tarik assures her that he’ll be stateside eventually, and this is just step one of many. Natalie wakes up refreshed after a night in a dank hotel room in Seattle, and she’s happy to report that despite their tension, she’s more than capable of batting his penis around like a cat toy to get right to the root of the fruit. She’s not sure if she’s ready for the cold slap of Mike’s extended family, but the 90DF producers said they wouldn’t spring for the hotel unless she met Uncle Beau. They head to a restaurant, and Beau arrives sporting peak PacNW fashion. “Here we have Beau wearing a fetching orange beanie, with sporty sunglasses firmly locking it in place,” the announcer begins. “With a twirl you’ll note the leather vest allows for the hoodie worn underneath to just flow, and the well-worn jeans provide ample pockets for his teeth and arrest record.” Natalie says she likes his style, and if she does, she’d better get used to saying that a lot. This look dominates my block, save for the few houses that appear to be sponsored by Patagonia or North Face, and the dueling camps of USA! USA! Vs. all black everything. “...” Mike says. Natalie accelerates to potential points of conflict, by fixating on Uncle Beau’s diet of whiskey and assault charges. She asks how many of those he drinks with meals, and he says “as many as they’ll bring me,” which is today’s t-shirt waiting to happen. From there she seizes the opportunity to tell the waiter that food doesn’t arrive on a hubcap in Ukraine, and reports that she’s there to get married, but her ring. I’d call her a passive-aggression queen, but PA is normally a lot more subtle. Natalie worries that she’s not cut out for the country, but Sequim boasts many options for the city lass, including lavender farms in bloom for two months out of the year, elk in your backyard, 30 days of night, a museum where you can buy oil paintings of dogs, and an online review that describes the place as “a place to die, not to live”. All the same, it wouldn’t be hard to give her a pep talk on the region, pointing out that they’re close to massive stands of old growth forest, two hours from Seattle, up the butt of peak whale watching, and an hour from Port Townsend, land of a thousand wayward authors. Of course, one would only provide a pep talk if you actually want her to stay. “...” says Mike. They make the two hour trek and head up a snowy road to Casa de Mike, which is little more than a white and brown box. Natalie is struck silent by how right she was to kick Beau out of what would have become cramped quarters, and how much paint, art, and lighting she’s going to have to buy, when she’s finally done ripping out that carpet. “It’s like from horror movies. I just hate horror movies,” Natalie says, while Mike thinks the same thing, but for very different reasons, and the cat hears her talking shit, and runs. She asks for tea, and Mike shows how prepared he is for her arrival by dragging a sad box of Lipton out of his cupboard, between taking deep swallows of coolant fluid. “Eventually, I’ll drink enough,” he reports, as the kettle whistles and the heart beating under his porch captures Natalie’s attention. Next time: a woman desperate to be called a cougar seeks 25 year-old guy to discuss over tarot cards, Julia brings her selfie stick to capture the wonders of pig manure, Zied’s mother cries, Natalie approaches her next tier of complaint, Amira is scared to travel to Mexico for good reason, Jovi describes their apartment as his, and a salesperson tries to get him to acknowledge other people exist, and fails. Thank you, Patreon supporters!
It’s like from horror movies: Recap of 90DF S08E03
Happy Solstice, 90DF-ers, and welcome to your recap! Tonight we’ll learn that thousands of miles is enough room for wildly different interpretations of what’s happening in the world, and somewhere in America there are people who still don’t understand what the US borders are like for brown people. Brandon brings Julia caffeine, so he can live, and announces that his mother has a full day of ruining his relationship planned. “We’re going to kick things off with some tourist traps neither one of us wants to see,” Brandon begins. “Maybe we’ll watch a slow session of Congress, where Sen. Ron Wyden will make an impassioned plea to empty seats, before they all trade photos of their latest vacations. Then we’ll stare at that big ass statue of Abe Lincoln sitting down, and pose at the church where Trump held up a Bible. It’ll be magical.” Brandon assures Julia that it doesn’t matter what shoe she chooses, since they’ll trot from place to place in one of those nursing home buses with an elevator, and the generous tour guide will tell everyone aboard to turn up their hearing aids to get ready for an awesome, medically-sensitive time. Oh, and they’re leaving 12 seconds after she finishes her laxative tea, so if she thought for a second they’d have a leisurely morning bang-a-rang, think again. “This is not relationship time,” Julia has seen the future. “Everywhere we go, there is mother, waiting. If I lift blinds, her face is on other side, and we are 22 stories up. How can she scale wall?” “This is fine,” Brandon disagrees, rebelliously reaching for a second juice box. “And don’t tell me to slow down. My mom didn’t get this kid leash to just abandon it on the precipice of my third decade on earth. Right Nicole?” “What? I’m only a mom on instagram,” Nicole always has the rebuttal. Julia helpfully points out that never in the history of genitals has separate rooms led to lack of fucking, and all mom is doing is inviting them to pound out their own crop circle in the wheat fields between the Cornhole setup and the goat barn. She again begs Brandon to act like an adult. “Pass,” Brandon replies, reaching for a pudding cup parfait. “I like to use a graham cracker for a spoon.” They head out to meet mom and dad, and mom is already disappointed that this duo failed to wake at 5AM to kick off the first part of the field trip. Julia boards the fun bus and tosses some fat shaming at folks trying to fucking jog. If people are willingly participating in a sport that’s boring as hell for the sake of their health, you need to keep your selfie-stick to yourself. Which she does, in front of every monument, over and over and over again. “Have you noticed Julia has a third arm?” Mom jokes. “Brandon certainly doesn’t,” dad laughs. They try to inspire Julia with a paragraph from Smithsonian magazine, and Julia declares she has no interest in politics, other than the part where she comes from the only block of the world with easy access to the US of A. Having worked up an appetite, they announce plans for an outdoor burger feast on dad, and as he wanders off with Julia so they can retrieve the food, Brandon brings up the awkward sleeping situation again. “It’s weird,” Brandon admits. “It’s almost like I don’t have much control over my life while I’m totally financially dependent on my mom.” Mom’s not budging, and Brandon’s not thinking creatively, so they’re stuck in the same place they started from, right down to the monument. Brandon’s mom tries to get them to move on before they all go to dinner as a team. Remembering his penis, Brandon realizes it’s time to draw a line, and says he made plans for just the two of them, so they’re going to bounce. There’s a long pause, and this is Brandon’s opportunity to feel guilty and course correct, but Brandon is used to this shit from his mother, and Julia’s titties are way more interesting to him than the ones he suckled from on Thursday. They go out for an unsupervised dinner, and Brandon says his mom’s position stands. Julia says if this is the case they need to GTFO fast, and Brandon says that he’s broke from pretending to have money, and since he has a job and no expenses save for credit card debt, what’s a boy to do? Julia says it’s strange to not have money for the future. “Hello, I’m the America,” the Statue of Liberty steps in for clarity. “No one has any money for the present, let alone the future, except Jeff Bezos. You are now his slave.” Yara is here to deliver that traditional Eastern European dryness we’ve come to expect since The Sopranos let us know that only Americans expect to be happy. She’s taking that cool detachment to Cajun country, where she has no plans of triggering wrinkles with an unexpected change of facial expression. Still, you can tell Yara has been kissed with the Kalani Curse, meaning she’s looking down the barrel of a cruel edit, and will likely be the only reasonable person at the reunion. Case in point: she gives no actual fucks about staying at Jovi’s mother’s house, she simply doesn’t understand why. At Casa de Jovi, his mother takes a cautious approach, and says that she’s making some kind of magical Creole fish dish, which she thinks Yara will like. Sure enough, Yara confirms that the food in question is tasty. Mom asks what they have in mind for a wedding, and Jovi says they were thinking twenty minutes between slot machines in Vegas, the truly economic solution. Yara doesn’t think a big wedding is appropriate, since both families can’t be there, and if they go that route they’ll be the 30th couple on this series to make us suffer through two weddings. Mom wants to at least throw them a party of some kind, and here I think the language barrier is getting in the way. Yara seems to interpret this as Jovi’s mother continuing to insist on a formal wedding, when she’s talking about a reception (I think). Can someone save this please? “What?” Jovi is on the fucking phone. “I wasn’t listening. I’m about to becoming a substitute member of the crew on Below Deck.” The phone call in question was, in fact, Jovi’s job, and apparently they might want him to start working sooner than he’d planned. That means even less time with Yara before he has to dip out on their 90 days. “I don’t understand why I must stay at mother’s house, when he doesn’t even have to stay in the country,” Yara raises a really good point here. The camera crew thoughtfully zooms in on a black grasshopper, so we have something interesting to look at. They all go to bed, and Yara says she wasn’t really comfortable until she got sauced enough to complain to Jovi in private. She reports not being impressed with the food, and Jovi says that he doesn’t care in a tone that suggests he does care. Yara insists Cajun cuisine is nothing compared to the complex dining of Ukraine, where all the spices are in the salt shaker. Jovi retorts that she might dislike his hometown, but hers is bullshit too, so as long as they both privately hate everything about each other, this should be fine. Lara notes that mom didn’t ask her about her personality, only the wedding, and Jovi insists this is how moms are, which he knows because he’s met one. Yara asserts that when she says no she means no, so why does mom push her. “I don’t want to get married in a trailer park,” Yara insists. “Good thing I probably won’t be getting married at all.” Hear me, hear me! Let us rise and greet Lord Andrew, first of his name, heir to the realm of daycare, where he shall henceforth use his kingly attire twice daily, and no matter how many times Brandon asks, he’s not allowed to enroll. Andrew says he’s lucky to have dated many wonderful women, and with this kind of peaceful understanding of his dating history, we should all be suspicious of his place on this show. Anyway, having met many but not THE ONE, Andrew decided to take his love hunt international, and two days after signing on he met a lady named Amira, from France. He courts her by doing a couple of whip-its and talking in a high pitched voice about hugs, which really does a number on Amira’s glue high. After talking for awhile he asked where she wanted to go, and they arranged to meet in Vegas. Two weeks later he dropped to his knees with a proposal. “I would rearrange the stars for Amira,” Lord Andrew declares, proving he’s a Paul in disguise. All was going just dandy, and Amira was approved for the K-1, when suddenly COVID struck the masses, and countries took turn barring each other from entry. After waiting awhile Amira’s visa is on the brink of expiring, so they need to act fast, or fill out more paperwork or something. Andrew reports that he’s really good at Reddit, and funnyguy654 assures him that since Trump built a sprawling found art landscape instead of a wall, they should be able to quarantine in Mexico for two weeks, and then cross into the states. With just two days before departure, Amira struggles to piece a suitcase together, while Andrew selects a hat from his retired raver collection for FaceTime. Amira is nervous, but she doesn’t want to risk losing Andrew. She goes out to lunch with her dad to discuss the future, and dad isn’t a fan. Amira says that Lord Andrew told her that if she doesn’t board a plane he’s going to resent her forever, and dad pipes in that this isn’t love. Amira says that might be true, but since when has that stopped anyone from going on this show? Dad adds that all Andrew does is wear funny hats and make her cry, and she reminds him about the helium, which doesn’t make dad feel better. Andrew meets his sister Connie, who is mad about him missing her baby shower. His baby shower gift is a fucking beret, which is on every baby’s “must have” list, between diapers and a tit pump, but viva la on-the-nose France! Connie has met Amira a few times, and thinks she’s a bit superficial, which is what Andrew has been looking for in a life mate. Andrew reports there’s been some issues between them, since she’s not stoked about producing crotch fruit. “I mean, a lot of people seek out someone like Amira for child rearing purposes. My biological clock is ticking,” Andrew reports, while Connie still tries to process what trash can to dump this baby beret in. Connie is concerned about their forthcoming fourteen days of quarantine, and wants them to talk about the bigger topics he’s been ignoring while appreciating Amira’s physical appearance. Andrew says he’s sure they’ll talk about a lot of things, like how to get her out of an ICE camp and what this funny fever might be about, and everything should be just fine. Over in Virginia, Tarik is over an hour late to meet his best friend Angela, who is wearing too interesting an outfit to just send him a photo of a middle finger and go home. Angela does her best to bite back bile as he selects an assortment of Napoleon Dynamite apparel, and mentions that he’s got no plans to invite brother Dean back into his life. Tarik reminds us that dude gave him ten flavors of shit about Hazel, only to go to the Philippines to find a lady of his own. This made Tarik so mad he yelled in a restaurant about respect with a backwards hat on his head, while the unchecked irony brought tears to Angela’s eyes. I’m not sure why Dean being a hypocrite is enough to tank their entire relationship, but I’m also not sure why Hazel looks like Minty. Tarik reports that they’re not talking, and Dean won’t be at the wedding, but it doesn’t really matter because Angela is way more interesting anyways. Angela stands down as they add a bow tie to a suit that matches Lord Andrew’s beret, and Tarik also brings up the special struggles of parenting a child with autism, and how the only woman he’d ever lived with is his daughter’s mother, and that “didn’t go as expected.” This reveals a lot about Tarik’s ability to adjust to disappointment, but his enthusiasm to celebrate the arrival of his Angelina Jolie fetish realization only mounts. At the airport, florists continue to dominate, thanks to the enduring legacy of Larissa’s airport snub. “I would like to thank me for my services!” Larissa triumphantly announces. Tarik is nervous, because while he’s thrilled to see her again, he hasn’t mentioned that he reached out to Minty to see if she’s safe in a cold COVID world. Hazel forbid him from contacting her, since it was obvious Minty was only sampling clam to get to the sausage, and that is one fucked up pizza. At the airport Hazel boldly descends the escalator while not gripping the railing, causing my anxiety to spike to 2016 levels, and she tells Tarik he looks so handsome while smiling. Then she notices that he brought her favorite flowers and is wearing her favorite color. At this point, I’m kinda wondering if Hazel sent in Minty as her stunt double to get out of this show, because I see little similarities between the Hazel we met, and the one we’re looking at now. Hazel happily learns that Tarik’s house is a short ten minute jog away, and he describes his living situation as “average, by American standards” and Mike’s house would like a word. Hazel struggles to find the “clean” Tarik describes under the clutter, and is overwhelmed by all the stuff and the size. Hazel recalls crying over leaving her son, and Tarik assures her that he’ll be stateside eventually, and this is just step one of many. Natalie wakes up refreshed after a night in a dank hotel room in Seattle, and she’s happy to report that despite their tension, she’s more than capable of batting his penis around like a cat toy to get right to the root of the fruit. She’s not sure if she’s ready for the cold slap of Mike’s extended family, but the 90DF producers said they wouldn’t spring for the hotel unless she met Uncle Beau. They head to a restaurant, and Beau arrives sporting peak PacNW fashion. “Here we have Beau wearing a fetching orange beanie, with sporty sunglasses firmly locking it in place,” the announcer begins. “With a twirl you’ll note the leather vest allows for the hoodie worn underneath to just flow, and the well-worn jeans provide ample pockets for his teeth and arrest record.” Natalie says she likes his style, and if she does, she’d better get used to saying that a lot. This look dominates my block, save for the few houses that appear to be sponsored by Patagonia or North Face, and the dueling camps of USA! USA! Vs. all black everything. “...” Mike says. Natalie accelerates to potential points of conflict, by fixating on Uncle Beau’s diet of whiskey and assault charges. She asks how many of those he drinks with meals, and he says “as many as they’ll bring me,” which is today’s t-shirt waiting to happen. From there she seizes the opportunity to tell the waiter that food doesn’t arrive on a hubcap in Ukraine, and reports that she’s there to get married, but her ring. I’d call her a passive-aggression queen, but PA is normally a lot more subtle. Natalie worries that she’s not cut out for the country, but Sequim boasts many options for the city lass, including lavender farms in bloom for two months out of the year, elk in your backyard, 30 days of night, a museum where you can buy oil paintings of dogs, and an online review that describes the place as “a place to die, not to live”. All the same, it wouldn’t be hard to give her a pep talk on the region, pointing out that they’re close to massive stands of old growth forest, two hours from Seattle, up the butt of peak whale watching, and an hour from Port Townsend, land of a thousand wayward authors. Of course, one would only provide a pep talk if you actually want her to stay. “...” says Mike. They make the two hour trek and head up a snowy road to Casa de Mike, which is little more than a white and brown box. Natalie is struck silent by how right she was to kick Beau out of what would have become cramped quarters, and how much paint, art, and lighting she’s going to have to buy, when she’s finally done ripping out that carpet. “It’s like from horror movies. I just hate horror movies,” Natalie says, while Mike thinks the same thing, but for very different reasons, and the cat hears her talking shit, and runs. She asks for tea, and Mike shows how prepared he is for her arrival by dragging a sad box of Lipton out of his cupboard, between taking deep swallows of coolant fluid. “Eventually, I’ll drink enough,” he reports, as the kettle whistles and the heart beating under his porch captures Natalie’s attention. Next time: a woman desperate to be called a cougar seeks 25 year-old guy to discuss over tarot cards, Julia brings her selfie stick to capture the wonders of pig manure, Zied’s mother cries, Natalie approaches her next tier of complaint, Amira is scared to travel to Mexico for good reason, Jovi describes their apartment as his, and a salesperson tries to get him to acknowledge other people exist, and fails. Thank you, Patreon supporters! Patreon.com/fractalfay
As I mentioned before, in Vegas you see slots already in the airport. While we were waiting for our luggage, people already sat at the gambling machines. I, myself, wanted to try slots in a better atmosphere than an LED-lit airport. Anyways, it seemed funny to play games on a big touch screen and I made sure that Vegas is a gambling paradise. We, though, put only so much money in the slots to get the free drinks. After a few hours, I was already walking through the Vegas strip. It was interesting to observe the gigantic hotels, countless lights from slots, cozy Americans and the bewitched tourists that all were just thinking of how to faster spend all of their saved up money in the slots. It was surprising just how many people were heading every night exactly to Caesar’s Palace. Well, it wasn’t a surprise, considering that this hotel was enormous, the casino space was even more enormous, but even all of that was topped by the shopping mall, which, of course, was also full of slots. There were 16 restaurants in the same hotel space. And have I mentioned that the second-largest nightclub in the world Omnia nightclub Las Vegas, was also located here? While I and Dāvis were walking around the hotel we got lost a few times and it was very complicated to talk of a place to meet. The New Year’s party for us continued for two days and two nights. We met the most real American party groups as well as girls with whom we spent together nights. Unfortunately, the fast pace of Vegas meant that all of those people already packed their bags and left by 2 January. But my friend and I wanted to relax a little bit after all of the partying. In the following days, we went to the Grand Canyon with a helicopter. We ordered a helicopter tour, which started in Vegas, flew to the Grand Canyon and flew back to Vegas. This tour made us feel a bit like celebrities, considering that a limo drives you from hotel to the helicopter and then you take off and fly over the whole Las Vegas. The helicopter landed next to the Grand Canyon. We also got to enjoy a glass of champagne and some snacks, which was offered by the tour. The canyon has been created by washing the Colorado River through granite rocks for thousands of years, leaving a unique and glorious memory of the wonders nature can bring. While flying over the I couldn’t take my eyes off of this amazing beauty. By the way, the Grand Canyon is almost the size of Latvia. Truly worth seeing, if you happen to be in Vegas and want to experience something exclusive with a dose of adrenaline. To balance out cultural wonders with scandalous events, on this night we chose to enjoy Las Vegas Titty Time and went to strip club. The easiest way to get there was to go to the Vegas Strip and check out the advertised offers. It wasn’t long before we got offered a good price, as well as a limo that will take us there. Then we got offered an even better price, then a cocktail, then - a private lap dance and in the end, we got offered a meal. At that moment we couldn’t resist their offer anymore and we went to a strip club. We didn’t even know where they were taking us, but we wanted an adventure and we wound up in Larry Flynt’s Hustler Club. The place was just like my expectations of what an American strip club should look like - big neon signs, angry-looking bouncers, a bit dirty atmosphere and a lot of foreign girls. While there we exchanged our money into one-dollar bills and went straight to the dance hall. I haven’t ever seen someone work that hard to earn one dollar. The view was quite enjoyable, to be honest, I had imagined it being a bit different, but striptease is like a delicate choreographic dance - there was nothing vulgar about it, only erotica. Definitely, only a confident woman can show herself off like that. Their feminine bodies helped as well. Their breasts were rarely real, though, mostly it was just some surgeon’s masterpiece. As a big female lover, I can say, that what allures me more is the naturality. We got offered lap dances and when we heard the price, we were surprised. Only twenty dollars. I would even say that that is unforgivably cheap for us just to try it once. We started buying dances for each other, till cash in the wallet was nearly gone. We thought of a challenge to invite all of the girls in the club for the lap dance to get the “full experience”. Personally, my favorite was the only girl who had real breasts. Some of the girls wanted us to take the “private room” for 120 dollars. Some even offered the special “private room” for 500 dollars, but as they implied, it was more than just a dance. I politely declined as I didn’t think I had to pay someone for that. In the following days, we continued to do stuff that is in any Vegas tourist to-do-list. For example, we went to Gordon Ramsey’s famous Hell’s Kitchen restaurant. Dāvis, my companion on this trip, as well as partly its initiator had reserved us a table, but we still had to wait in line. At the start, we just chatted between each other, but it seemed like this hour will be spent in boredom, till girls, who were standing in front of us, turned around. One girl, who later turned out to be a literature teacher for middle schoolers, said that our language seemed interesting to her and asked where are we from. At that moment, the girls' openness didn’t surprise me, all the people in America were unusually nice and ready to start a conversation with strangers. Of course, girls were also intrigued by our unusual language and exotic European charm. Dāvis and I were as well intrigued by the girls’ exotic and alluring American charm. Long story short, two tables for two turned into one table for four. After the restaurant we persuaded the girls to spend the following evening together, going through the smaller Vegas streets and bars. One more adventure was going to Death Valley. We rented a yellow Ford Mustang convertible, to really enjoy this trip. It’s really unbelievably hot there, but the locals say that during nighttime you might freeze. Death Valley is something everyone should see in their lifetime. The Vegas hotels disappeared pretty fast and all we saw was large, vast desert and majestic mountains. I would call it a surreal view, honestly pretty unbelievable that there is something like that on the Earth. While walking through the vast salt lakes you get the feeling like you’re in a “Star Wars” movie on some distant planet. Just standing in the middle of the field gives an illusion that you are somewhere far from civilization because wherever you look, there is no sign of life. When back in the city we again focused on something more worldly, such as going to clubs. Interesting, that even on 7th January, which was just a Tuesday, Omnia nightclub was filled with people. I’m talking thousands. Well, the party wasn’t anything special, compared to the New Year’s party. Maybe I just wasn’t in a party mood. But then I saw a beautiful blonde standing next to the bar and, quite naturally, went to her and we started chatting. We didn’t talk for long, because I took her hand and we went to the middle of the dance floor. We danced all night till the club was about to close. The girl had a very short, tight dress and she didn’t have any panties on. From time to time I checked her dress, which was constantly sliding up, so the whole club wouldn’t see her nakedness. The moment when the music stopped, we were holding each other and making out. After getting back into reality, I realized that I have no plan on what to do with this beautiful girl further. We went to a hotel pool. We started talking about life in the USA and in Latvia and how they were similar but also so different. I didn’t want the romantic evening to end, so I thought of a plan. In American movies, couples always go skinny dipping. I persuaded the girl to jump in the water with me, naked. I hadn’t thought of water being so cold during the night and we froze in a moment. Good, that I could save the situation by offering a warm shower in my hotel room. She agreed. We went to shower together and warmed up so much that we didn’t even get to the bed. The next morning the girl quickly took her things and disappeared. When I checked her Instagram account I understood why - she had pictures with her husband (or boyfriend) and children. Now I have experienced the saying that goes - What happens in Vegas, stays in Vegas.
Rachel Schneider ENG 477 Date 1/11/2021 Marsha Blackburn A Writing Portfolio I want to write my own fiction stories one day; I have had a book or two swimming around in my head so I will put the computer to good use and get that typed out one of these days. In this instance I chose my 5 stories and even though one is a marketing inquiry I had fun writing it, so here are my things and some background some of them. Resume: It is a basic one because my photo ones were not particularly good, and this is an honest resume besides the ones I made for class and I did fudge on those. Cover letter: I made up the cover letter though there is a penguin Books but it is always fun to use your imagination! Hike with Drew: I got the concept from a Writer’s Digest and entered it into a contes I never got a response but good practice. Short Story Vegas: Was one I did for another class but in here I changed it and the story was much better the second time. Marketing Flyer: This was fun to do those are stock photos of the dogs and squeaky toys, but I like Pit Bulls and dog toys are fun as well. Scott part 1-This is a story I am working on with another writer, warning its very sexy and some naughty words are in there as well. Writing Samples: I made these three samples up one day because as I have looked for writing work, I have seen people want a sample of your work, so I came up with these. Rachel Schneider 3867 Houghton Ave Riverside CA 92501 📷 951-743-8911 📷 [email protected] 📷 Rachel Schneider 📷 Rachel7Tori-Twitter 📷 📷 Objective To get a career going in the fiction/short story writing industry my imagination can run with any scenario and to write is to live. 📷 Education Bachelor of Arts in English | Grand Canyon University 2017 – 2021 Took 15 different writing courses, creative writing and even two fun marketing classes all to polish up my craft. Carried a 3.0 GPA and did the courses all online as well. No Degree Obtained | Riverside Community College June 1994 – December 1996 Took these college courses but did not finish got 32 Units of Child Development Courses though which is what I was going for 📷 Experience Cafeteria Worker 1 2008 Currently Employed. Cook, Prep, serve food in a middle school setting, also clean, count inventory and do next day prep, cash handling and POS register experience. Bell Ringer | Salvation Army November 2007 – December 2007 Rang bell and collected donations for the salvation Army in front of various stores during the holiday season. 📷 Skills Food handlers Card CPR First Aid certified Grammar Proficiency Spelling Proficiency Can work from home 📷 Activities Have good use of social media and can help update or bring in new followers with my creative writing side. Have a Reddit account as well with 30 stories up on that site. Can speak a little Spanish and Hebrew as well. 951-743-8911 [email protected] 3867 Houghton Ave Riverside CA 92501
Rachel Schneider
Writer
Penguin Books
Dear JENNIFER MCGREGOR,
1/21/2021 Jennifer McGregor Fiction Publisher 4587 Tropicana Rd. Las Vegas NV 89102 I have included my resume for the short story writer for young adult novels. It has been a few years, but I currently work in a middle school, so I do see all the angst and sass that goes with being a young teen. I do hope my writing samples can help me move to the top of the list. I look forward to working with Penguin Books and letting kids know being a teen is hard at first, but it does not last forever. Sincerely, Rachel Schneider Rachel Schneider 3867 Houghton Ave Riverside CA 92501 It had been a long cold winter Drew and I could not get out for a morning hike till today. Being 75 degrees, we did not have to wear many layers. He is an extremely sweet inquisitive boy who always asks a lot of questions. Why does moss grow on the north side of trees” he asks? Its times like this when it would be nice to have my husband here, but he is overseas where the work is. “well, it’s not just the north side it’s on the shadier side because that is where the moisture is.” On we went looking at snails on the ground watching the deer pass by along a ridge. Being quiet as to not startle them. “Mom he whispered it’s a bunny den they are coming out for food, he leaves a few carrot and lettuce scraps from last night’s dinner. I walked down the path and spotted some glorious Blue Jays and a Downey Woodpecker. “Listen Drew the woodpecker is getting the bugs out of the trees.” My sweet Drew was staring at the Bunnies, they are cute and fluffy after all. We followed our path down further after the bunnies went back to the den. The skies were getting cloudy, so I hoped the rain was not going to come back. Though the weather report said there was a chance. My little explorer with his school uniform on was undeterred, I wish I could wear shorts on a 75 day and not be cold, it is always nice to be young. Walking along our path we spot some squirrels running in circles around the tree. “Why do the chase each other like that” Drew asks. “Maybe it’s a game for them like ring around the Rosie.” On we trek to our favorite stream where the deer family are taking their drinks. I tell Drew we cannot skip stones right now we do not want to scare them. We look through the grass for more of his favorite bugs, saw some worms just below the dirt by a tree. Looking up we see a big spider web being made between two branches. The crows were making their calls in the distance. We are finally able to skip our stones in the stream. He gets some great skips going, and we collect some new rocks for our little garden back home. Walking past the stream we climb up the embankment and up along the ridge where we see a Fox off in the distance. He or she walks the opposite direction we are going so it is a relief we can continue to the clearing. Where there are more bugs, rocks, and Bunnies. We pass the Deer family as they run up the hill to were, they mostly frolic or maybe they live up there. We stop for a snack of Apples, Almonds, and some cheese sticks. When we were finished Drew put a couple of slices in his pocket to feed the Bunnies, I am sure. “Mommy we’re getting to the clearing now we can see the Bunnies and the last time Daddy, and I were here I got some neat rocks too.” Drew told ne enthusiastically, I did love his passion for nature, though again my husband is much better at the nature stuff. I am a pastry Chef ask me about desserts and I am your woman, about why moss grows on trees and hello Google. Since Dad is unavailable, I step in and let him explore and see the world outside of the house and off the screen. It is just another half mile and it is on to the clearing. He starts to pull me hand a little harder I know he is excited. We pass under the tree I glance up and see the Fox again. Then we stop and see “Daddy home…… Name: Rachel Schneider Course: ENG 361 Date: 4/14/2020 Instructor: Debbie Graves One Week In Las Vegas The countdown started Friday at 2pm I got the week off from this thing I call a job (just over broke). The car was packed, it was time to hit the road. The traffic was average and climbing the Cajon Pass was not that bad. I stopped in Baker to have my favorite meal at Bob’s Big Boy, the chili spaghetti, no onions. After making my way back on the highway the traffic picked up going out of Baker, through to Primm and Stateline. I had to stop for gas at Whiskey Pete’s, so I also went in and got some snack goodies. My favorite trail mix and some cheese potato chips because vending machines are too expensive. The road was beckoning so off I went, traveling through Jean is always nice, not much to see. A prison, a few remaining casinos, some outbuildings, and a truck stop. There slogan was always fun 40 smiles closer than Vegas. You can get bored so be sure to pack some music you can have your own car concert. “I’ll face it with a grin I’m never giving in, on with the show” (Show Must Go on by Queen) Finally, the Vegas skyline is in sight, the lights are not on yet, but they will be needing to navigate around the strip. I do say a few words the terrible drivers. This vacation was so needed my job is crazy, my kids are older now and do not need mom around anymore. Off they went to grandma’s house and I booked the week at the Delano, it is attached to the Mandalay bay so perfect access to all the fun of the strip, and just enough luxury to not look cheap. Getting the valet to take the car I check into my genuinely nice room I have a great view of the Luxor light (that comes off the top of the hotel) and the Excalibur. Now off to indulge in that genuinely nice bathtub and get some overdue reading done. My bathroom with a view has the Luxor light and that is the brightest light on the Vegas strip it comes right out of the top of the Pyramid shaped hotel. A brightness of 42.3 billion candela, you could read a paper from 10 miles straight up if you wanted to. Once I was well soaked and finished with my chapters it was time to find something to eat besides my snack foods. After cruising the room service options, I settled on some Mexican food of chorizo and eggs with nice corn tortillas. That hit the spot so with the extra energy it was time to get out for a stroll of the property. The indoor pool is nice but small and I want to soak up the sunshine and get some exercise so I shall hit the outdoor pool tomorrow. Back in the lobby I grab those ads for things to do in the city so I can plan out the rest of my trip. There are thousands of things to do in Vegas. Do not be disappointed if you do not get everything done, that is what the next trip is for. I have a beautiful week and I want to have a good time and not have to wait for anybody, I can do what I want. I got those and cruised up through the lobby and toward the casino on my way there I saw a sign for a food and wine festival. With that guy Zac from the travel channel. Thinking hmm I did not know he was interested in food or wine. I went down and found my favorite penny slot game Lucky cat. After 15 minutes I came out putting 20 in and winning 500, so I called it a night and went to the bar to catch a hockey game and grab a fun fruity drink (I like tequila sunrise, (Tequila, grenadine, and cranberry juice). As I am rooting for the Golden Knights (local Vegas hockey team) I looked over to my left and there was Zac from the travel channel, and he likes hockey too this is awesome, and I am trying not to be a fan girl. The game was in intermission and the Knights were winning so it was time for a new fruity drink so this time I turned around to get back to the bar and bumped right into Zac, boy was my face red. After some apologies and an offer to buy my next fruity drink (a Strawberry Daiquiri) it was a yes and I spilled that I was a fan. He told me he does have an interest in food and wine not just chasing ghosts with his crew. We had some great conversation and when the game came back on, we both sat in the booth cheering the golden knights to their victory. Now I am buzzed and standing up was going to be fun, but Zac was a true gentleman and helped me to my feet. He offered to buy me dinner. The Taco Hut was a good place the tortillas were fresh, and the company was so cool. The conversation turned to food, wine, travel, and some stuff about me. The midnight hour rolled around, and Zac had an early morning, so we said goodnight, but he was staying one floor above me, so we agreed to go to the diner in the lobby for breakfast or brunch. At 10am I was enjoying my company and this great stick to your ribs breakfast (scrambled eggs, sausage, hash browns and some great watermelon) The food offerings in Vegas are so varied you can get everything from a hot dog and beer for 1.99 at the Orleans, to a 5-star meal at Caesar’s Palace the buffets are great too. Although sometimes you want a nice sit-down dinner. The conversation was effortless the attraction was deep. We made plans to see each other again after the food contest he was judging was over. Saying goodbye was a bit hard but the hand holding was sweet and made me feel like a schoolgirl again. After saying goodbye and I did watch him walk into the convention hall I went back to my room to plan out the rest of my day. I chose a tour of the Mob Museum, they say that Vegas was built with Mob money, but it was a Mormon founded town that later Hollywood discovered. Then many people in Hollywood who were well connected (such as East Coast mobsters) financed Bugsy Segal to build the Flamingo Hotel. As I was putting my shoes on, I got a knock on the room door and as I opened it, I got some flowers (pink roses) and an all-access pass to the food and wine festival courtesy of Zac. Let us just say the Mob Museum can wait for later I got to go to a food and wine festival and spend the rest of the week with Zac. “hi Zac thanks for the flowers it was sweet of you to remember.” He said, “It’s always right to remember a ladies flower preference because that’s the right thing to do.” Smiling the rest of the day I meet other travel channel celebrities and got to taste some great foods and many different wines. The food and wine offerings at the hotels and restaurants are varied, the Las Vegas area have become very international, so the varieties are endless. The week went by in a blur of food, wine, conversation, and some sweet dates. I never thought I would get over the break-up that happened the week before. Getting a private Vegas tour was something completely special. I did get to see the Mob Museum, Mandalay Bay Fine Art Museum, seven magic mountains, Pinball Hall of fame and a private dinner at the food and wine festival. My days in Vegas were down to one. We had reservations at Rivera right here at the Delano the view is amazing, the food is impressive with Italian and French offers. “I have had a wonderful time this week Zac thank you for mending my broken heart.” He looked at me for a minute and said, “it’s been a pleasure to get to know you and I would not mind visiting your hometown, you always have a reason to come back to Las Vegas. The next food and wine festival is around Christmas, this one will include chocolate.” Hitting the 15 early the next morning I have visions of Christmas, a pass to the food and wine festival, also a brand-new relationship to take back home with me. The End When writing a short story, you want to keep it from rambling and have enough details to keep it fresh. When your reader gets into the story you want them to feel like they are there with you, going to the food and wine festival, on that hike through the seven-mountains or touring the mob museum. The details are the thing to see and make sure to watch out for punctuation and common language. An average short story is within 6,00 words or 24 pages. If you wanted too you could go short-short story and that is between 500 and 2,00 words. That comes out to be 6 pages (Minot, Steven Ch. 7 pg. 41), talk about short stories. The story is all your length and style matter as much as how you want it to come into focus. Minot, Steven and Theil Daniel Three genres the writing of literary pose, poems and plays Ninth edition Pearson Publications 2012 Bouncing Dog Toy Emporium August 18,2019📷📷 24755 Holly Grove Way Brookings OR, 97415 Dear Dogs, Rule the World I am Rachel Schneider from the Bouncing Dog Toy Emporium we make extra bouncy dog toys for our furry friends. We investigated different marketing companies and choose you to do our direct to customer marketing. The way the website is set up the customers can get the product’s directly from you is easier than a multi-level marketing plan. The distribution of Bouncy Dog Toy will be a one level channel, we will provide the toys you market, and we sell them. I would like to get some videos of our company dogs Mac and Stella playing with the toys so you can post on the website. A link for the company can also be included so the consumers know where the toys came from, what they are made of and any other facts about Bouncing Dog Toy Emporium. Sincerely, Rachel V Schneider Mac and Stella company dogs and testers 📷 📷 📷📷 📷A sample of our products, our bounciest toys. Scott’s Story Part 1 I am Scott Thorn, and I am going back to WDU for the first time in 15 years, I went here for a year but after I came out as gay there really were no gay dudes. I am all men but yeah lesbians were all around some BI guys but no real gay dudes. I went back to the mainland and attended Preston University I majored in administration and minored in Literature. I did at one point in my life have a girlfriend and wanted to marry her, but I could not quash the gay lifestyle. That part of my life is over and now the old school offered me a counseling job, have not done this in a while. I get to help students toward there after college career. I sit here on this boat and keeping an eye on my 75 Triumph I have some nerves, but it is mostly about seeing this place again, so as the boat pulls up, I get my bike going and make a stop at my new on campus apartment. Its west facing because I like sunsets more than sunrise, so I did not know it needed so much work. I have some handy skills but a little at a time. The kitchen is decent and so is the bathroom. The floors will need some polish and the deck needs to be stained, this is a duplex, so I hope the neighbors are quiet. It is furnished and done nicely so I cannot complain too much, but back on the bike to see the Dean. I get my bike set with the kill switch and walk up the way to the Admin building, I am pretty much the only one dressed. I am wearing my good black jeans and my dress shirt, in my favorite color Maroon. I do remember this place was obsessed with sex so I will stick out wearing clothes, as I enter the building at least more admin people are dressed. Miss Grant the secretary shows me to my new office, its spacious much bigger that my last one at Preston where I shared a cubicle with another person. I have files from past students and current ones, so I started filing them when Dean Kane walks in, booty shorts and a tank top. “Welcome back to WDU Scott, we look forward to seeing you succeed you come very recommended.” I could hardly concentrate because this Dean was hung but I persevered and said, “Thank you sir I look forward to helping young students find there after WDU careers.” After he left, I had to get my rise to settle then I continued filing and looking through some files. Clarissa Love that was a name that got around even all the way to Preston. I think she does the Jax in the bedroom or something like that. I started looking around and thought I need some life in this office so I asked Miss Grant about decorating and she said I could do what I wanted but no painting, so I went to town and checked out a flea market. I found some pictures of the beaches of Canada, some old homes in the area and a few movie posters from Rocky horror Picture Show (it is my favorite). The flea market said they will deliver to the school tomorrow so I told them I will be there at 9am. Now with my day done I get to the store to buy some groceries and realize this place uses sextons and I was down to my last few, so now I will need to exchange but thankfully a bank is nearby so I can get some of my mainland money exchanged. I pull up to my new pad off load my few groceries and notice some other tenant left beer in the fridge, talk about luck. I got the beer went to the deck and watched the sunset over the sky. It was going to be new here, but I needed a fresh start after getting dumped and losing the job because my ex was in upper management, never will I do that again. I will find someone who does not work in the school system. After I ate a roast beef and cheddar sandwich for dinner, watched some cooking shows it was time for bed. As I was brushing my teeth, I heard the neighbors having sex. Oh, goody they are not quiet. hope they do not have super energy either. Tomorrow is my first full day and I have decorating to do, fantastic they stopped, that is the thing with us older people we do not fuck like bunnies anymore. As far as I know the neighbors are lesbians so who knows. Sample 1- If I try my hardest, I could muster up enough courage to ask the prettiest girl in school to prom. I had a suit; bolo tie and I will shine my old boots up. The thing is my courage is not as strong as my best friend Nick, now there is one brave dude who just asked the girl I wanted to go to prom with and of course she said yes. I gather myself close my locker and put on my best smile for them both. Nick and I high five and I hug her, trying to be genuine but it is hard. I head to my Social studies class and sit down next to Megan she looks at me with some concern I tell her what happened, she then asks me to Prom…... Sample 2-Wishing I did not have to be here I sit at the back of the funeral and think about my old high school principal. I grew up in a small town and everyone knew everyone, we only had one school and you went there for kindergarten through senior year. After my graduation I packed up my old car and headed out to what I thought was the real world. Living in a bigger city only helped spur my loneliness so who says you cannot come home again, well Mom for starters because I abandoned my family, I am not welcome at home ever again (so tired of her drama), so I am staying at Principal Mason’s house yes, the same principal that I am at a funeral for I held her hand as she lay there succumbing to cancer…… Sample 3-If you really want to get over a breakup getting back on the horse will help things along. I thought that too seven lousy dates ago so here I am on date number 8 and I am not seeing any birds singing or rainbows in the sky. He steps away to take a call he is a particularly important lawyer after all (I need to fix my picker) after he comes back, he says it go time the jury has come back so off he goes. I finish my drink and head back to my brownstone close by, I pass the new chocolate shop that just opened, and I get inside and see chocolate heaven. Looking around I do not see him at first but there he is my old college lab partner Sam I just saw a rainbow…….
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